Life in Lubbock... err... Northern Virginia

Where Did Time Go?

2009-10-29T16:36:00.002-05:00

It's been quite some time since we've checked in here. I'm not sure if anyone else is still bothering to visit, but just in case, let me get you caught up.

The big story of the last 7+ months is probably Steve's Dad. He had open heart (well, really open chest, not heart) surgery again in August. A cancerous tumor was found, but it was completely cleared out. After receiving radiation treatments, we are hopeful all is clear for quite some time.

Andrea enjoys her job. And that's about all we can say about the job.

Steve started a new weather blog in an attempt to get back to his roots, so to speak.

Budd and Snowflake are doing just fine in D.C. They've been able to make trips to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Michigan with us, which is fun for everyone.

We've had many visits from family and friends and been able to show off the nation's capital.

About the nation's capital... there are many things to see and do. There are also many people. Traffic is as nightmarish as you can imagine. A sharp contrast to the wide open spaces of Lubbock.

Well, that's the quick update. Hopefully we'll check back in soon as the holidays approach.

In The Valley of the Sun

2009-03-09T08:58:00.004-05:00

Just a reminder that I'm heading out to Phoenix, AZ today. If you want to follow the wacky adventures of yours truly, please check in here during the next 8 days or so. If you realize that my wackiness is generally not that wacky, then you are an intelligent human being and I congratulate you on winning in life.

Oh, To Be Standing on a Corner in Goodyear, AZ

2009-03-02T19:08:00.001-06:00

I posted this on my other blog, but thought it was worth copying over here...

This was the scene this morning at the mall in Washington, DC. In total, I would estimate we received about 4 inches here, which is about 35 miles west of DC. It's really difficult to tell given the howling winds we've had for the last 24 hours, but the NWS has indicated 4-5 inches in the area just east of us, so I think it's a good guess. DC itself probably received around 7 inches.

Temperatures are expected to drop into the single digits tonight with wind chill values below zero. I can't be sure, but I suspect this will be the coldest night/morning of the winter season in the DC area. Don't fret, though, the weekend forecast calls for temps in the mid-50s to low-60s with sunshine. Just in time for me to leave for AZ. (One week from today!)

The Dark Days of February

2009-02-18T15:54:00.002-06:00

It's been a while since our last update and I apologize for that. Here's some quick hits on what's been going on in our lives.

~ My dad had a heart attack on January 25. He was exercising on my parent's elliptical machine when it hit. Exercise = bad. Either that, or that week's episode of "24" was too much to take. Jack Bauer can have that effect.

I went home for two weeks from Jan. 26 through his follow-up doctor's appointment on Feb. 9. It was good to be home and I was happy to help out around the house with shoveling snow, carrying firewood, and packing the Suburban with stuff to take back to VA.

Dad is fine, as you've probably figured out by now. He is 100% healthy and has no restrictions from his cardiologist. He was in the hospital a couple days and most of it was precautionary. As soon as they got the stents in on the night of the 25th, he felt fine. He's not working as much now, but he seems like the same old Ken.

~ Andrea's job is going well. Her schedule is all over the place, so it's not always clear when she'll be home during the day and when she'll be away. There's been more time at home recently, which is nice.

~ I'm still looking for a job.

~ We're still moving in. Those two weeks away really hurt the unpacking and sorting objectives.

~ Budd and Snowflake took separate trips - Budd to Pittsburgh for the Super Bowl and Snowflake to Cleveland for emotional support. They both did great.

~ It's a lot darker in Virginia than it was in Lubbock. The temperature reached 70 on Feb. 11 and it's been about 45 and cloudy every day since. Fear not, I played golf on Feb. 11. Then again, it is February, it's supposed to be cold and dreary here for a little while longer.

Yes, Virginia, We Made It

2009-01-06T22:05:00.003-06:00

Well, 8 days and 1,823 miles later, we made it to our place in Aldie (or Stone Ridge), VA. The townhouse is lovely and quite spacious. Andrea has no idea what we'll put in some of these rooms, but something tells me she'll figure that out rather quickly. Please allow us time to empty some boxes and organize this crap before we put up some pictures.

The dogs managed to survive the 13 days at the vet despite a cut on one of Snowflake's front paws. (It was small and healed quickly. This is why they stayed at a vet.) They were quite confused in their new surroundings. Stairs were a new adventure that they managed to tackle pretty quickly. Snowflake didn't care for going down the stairs at first, but meaty treats helped with that. Now she flies up and down the stairs and stops at the top or bottom to wait for you. She seems rather proud to beat you up or down the stairs. Clearly she doesn't understand the advantage to having four legs. As for Budd... well, nothing really bothers him as long as he's fed and gets to sleep 20 hours a day.

The moving truck was one day late in arriving, meaning Andrea and I spent a total of 6 nights in the new house on an air mattress with only the Internet to entertain us. Luckily, the Internet is an unending stream of entertainment. We managed to get caught up on The Office, which entailed a re-watching of the season 3 finale, all of season four, and the first 10 or so episodes of the current season. Now all we have to do is remember to watch it in real time.

I have yet to get in an accident, which I consider quite the accomplishment given the way people drive around here and the confusion of this road network. Of course, when you come from a near-perfect gridded system in Lubbock, any road network will seem confusing. Fear not, I purchased a Garmin GPS navigation device today and should have no problems. Of course, I didn't listen to it on the way home and managed to get lost. I guess I need to get me one of dem pee h dees.

Speaking of which... Andrea has started her job as an IBMer. Hopefully you caught the commercials during the NFL playoff games this past weekend (or maybe somewhere else). It sheds some more light on what they do, which appears to be everything.

Well, that's all for now. I'm celebrating our anniversary by staying awake and blogging while Andrea and the dogs sleep in our new house. Ahh... memories.

Goodbye, Lubbock

2008-12-20T00:41:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been real, Texas. Tomorrow morning, I'll take off with what little remains in our house and begin driving home to Cleveland. I'm actually meeting my dad in Oklahoma City and allowing him to drive the rest of the way.

We've had some great times here and I'm sure there's things we'll miss. (I can tell you right now that the lack of traffic jams in Lubbock will be one of them.) I'm sure we'll get around to changing the title of the blog at some point and we will of course keep you updated on the move in. (Yes, we have a place to live.)

If you're interested, I started the bowl preview. You can find the link under the General Nerdness blog on the right side.

OK, I'm going to bed. Peace out, Lubbock. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

(Oh man, I probably can't say that as freely in and around DC.)

Update on Move

2008-12-07T00:18:00.002-06:00

If you're curious... (and if you're not, I understand)

Andrea will fly to Fairfax on Sunday, December 14 and spend the week in orientation at IBM. That is a one-way ticket; she won't be returning to Lubbock. That's right... Andrea only has one week left in Lubbock. I asked her if she got to see and do everything she ever wanted and, surprisingly, she has not. We'll need to stop at Bigham's Smokehouse at some point since she's never had it and always wanted to. This will not be a problem for me.

I'm also leaving on the 14th with the two dogs in an automobile. I'll drive Andrea's car up to Virginia, getting there sometime in the afternoon of 12/16 (Tuesday). The dogs will be dropped off at a kennel and off our hands through Christmas. Then, I'll fly back on Wednesday and be at the house Thursday and Friday while the movers pack up the house (Thursday) and then the truck (Friday).

My dad will fly in on Friday (12/19) and we'll take turns driving the Suburban to Cleveland. We should be home by Sunday, at the latest, and then we can all enjoy a nice Christmas.

We don't have a place to live in Virginia just yet, but Laura (my sister) will be scouting them out for us today and we hope to nail something down during that week of the 15th.

The bunnies will not make the trip to the east coast with us. Instead, they'll be staying in a third grade classroom in Wolfforth, TX just outside Lubbock. It was nice while we had them and they certainly had their moments, but once we got the dogs, the writing was on the wall. Most of the attention went to Budd and Snowflake instead of Betty and Judy. (No, we never really called them that, but they are "sisters".) I'm sure they'll have a lot fun with the third graders and I think we'll be able to move on.

Well, I think that covers it for updates. Andrea's parents and aunt will be in town on Tuesday for graduation, which is Friday. We're having a party that evening from 8-10, so if you happen to be in Lubbock on that day, please stop by!

So That's What That Feels Like...

2008-12-03T23:51:00.004-06:00

Andrea and I finally took a vacation with just the two of us. No family or friends to see, no conferences to attend, no real schedule of events planned out (we tried, but it didn't necessarily work out, which was fine).

From visiting Great Sand Dunes National Park, to purposely driving into Taos Ski Valley to see snow, we had a blast. The picture to the right is us at Treasure Falls in Colorado. You can't actually see the falls in this picture (we were more focused on snow), but you can see all our pictures (including a close up of the falls) here on a new web site we have through Shutterfly:

http://asjackman.shutterfly.com/

The pictures are separated into albums for the various aspects of our trip. We'd love to share memories of all the different spots we stopped in, but time may not allow for that in these next couple months. I think we'll do our best to pop back in and explain points in more detail (I'm sure Andrea would love to talk about Ghost Ranch, Abiquiu, and the Georgia O'Keeffe museum), but we can't promise anything. Of course, if you have questions, ask away in the comments and we'll gladly answer.

Announcements

2008-12-03T00:02:00.004-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Here's a bulleted list to be followed by more in depth information later:

Andrea has accepted a job in the Fairfax, VA area and we will move there toward the end of this month.
Andrea accepted this job while we were on vacation in the Rockies of CO/NM. Pictures forthcoming.
I started another blog to not clutter this site with my randomness and try to keep it dedicated to our familial undertakings. Probably a good idea considering the busy times we have ahead.
Snowflake successfully graduated intermediate training. She was quite proud...

Excuse the scary eyes. It happens when using ye olde flash.

We'll have more on these developments soon.

They Will Write Songs About You

2008-11-07T07:02:00.001-06:00

It's inevitable. Whenever a sports team starts performing well and seems poised for a championship, their overjoyed fans must write songs in their honor. Texas Tech's first go 'round in the national spotlight is the perfect storm for cheesy tunes. Many know Mike Leach's resemblance to a certain country music star, but it will now live on in song for all the children to learn about "A Coach Who Looks Like Vince Gill."

More funny videos like the "A Coach Who Looks Like Vince Gill" at Heavy.com

Oh, yeah...

Both photos courtesy of Waiting For Next Year.

And He Shall Reign Forever and Ever (or at least a few weeks)

2008-11-03T17:14:00.002-06:00

http://blog.cleveland.com/sports/2008/11/cleveland_browns_announce_brad.html

Congratulations Philadelphia, Cleveland!

2008-10-30T17:21:00.003-05:00

With their victory last night, Philadelphia ends it 25-year drought without a sports championship. Between the four major-sport (football, baseball, basketball, and hockey) franchises, 98 seasons of sport passed without a championship in the city of brotherly love and Rocky.

This now leaves Cleveland as the unquestioned most miserable sports city in the U.S. At last count, 125 sporting seasons have passed without a championship in the "best location in the nation." For years, Philadelphia shared in the misery since they have four franchises as opposed to the three in Cleveland. Now, there is little doubt. The misery is all ours, baby!

Some would like to see Seattle and Buffalo in the argument, but neither city has even three franchises (sorry Sonics fans). Plus, Seattle is basically like Atlanta. Nobody that lives there is actually "from" there. The sense of community is lacking relative to other cities. And losing four consecutive Super Bowls is awful - I'll listen to that argument. Still, the Bills did make the Super Bowl four straight years, which is four more times than the Browns have been to the Super Bowl.

No, no... the misery is all ours. Please don't try to take it from us or share it with anyone. We need a title at some point. May as well take this one.

College Gameday in Lubbock

2008-10-28T16:51:00.003-05:00

Holy posting, Batman!

For the first time in history, College Gameday (the original, football version) will be in Lubbock, TX on Saturday. Andrea and I plan to go and, of course, we need a good sign. All ideas are welcome. As you can see, some clever ones have been taken.

SNNNNNOOOOOWWWWW!!!

2008-10-28T16:36:00.004-05:00

In up-state New York lies a mantle of white.

The picture is taken from Weather Bonk - a web site occasionally featured on The Weather Channel. Their web cams are integrated with Google Maps, which really helps when trying to get live shots of current conditions. Check out the map for the above picture here:

http://weatherbonk.com/weather/webcams.jsp?where=43.7073,-74.945

Feel free to zoom out and drag the map to other parts of the country. If you want other snow shots, areas around Scranton, PA were working well this afternoon:

Aunt Dorothy, did you make a pie I should be made aware of?

2008-10-15T08:32:00.004-05:00

Have relatives in the Northeast? You should be concerned.

Lubbock Weather Update

2008-09-12T13:48:00.004-05:00

Usually, one inch of rain is enough to cause flooding in Lubbock. So, just imagine what 7.8 inches of rain will do to this city without a drain.

The rain broke just about every record imaginable for rainfall:

Most rainfall on any prior Sept. 11: 7.46 (old record - 2.64)

Most rainfall for any calendar day: 7.46 (old record - 5.70)

Most rainfall in a 24-hour period: 7.80 (old record 5.82)

The rain was so intense - and caused so much flooding - that school was canceled throughout Lubbock County, including Texas Tech University. That's right, we got a rain day!

We went out this morning to run some errands, and it seems the flood waters have receded. By all accounts, high school football games will be played tonight as well as the Texas Tech game tomorrow evening. I'm not sure what they'll do with all that water, but I suppose they could dump it down into the Marsha Sharp freeway that no one can use... still.

I suppose that's one way to slow down the Red Raider offense.

Lubbock is the New Seattle?

2008-09-09T09:23:00.003-05:00

This morning's forecast from the Lubbock National Weather Service:

Today: A 30 percent chance of showers, mainly before 1pm. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 72. Northeast wind between 5 and 10 mph.

Tonight: A 20 percent chance of showers after 1am. Patchy fog before 1am. Otherwise, mostly cloudy, with a low around 60. East southeast wind between 5 and 10 mph.

Wednesday: A 50 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Cloudy, with a high near 77. Southeast wind between 10 and 15 mph.

Wednesday Night: A 50 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 66. South southeast wind between 10 and 15 mph.

Thursday: A 50 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 79. East southeast wind around 10 mph.

Thursday Night: A 50 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 64. East wind around 10 mph.

Friday: A 40 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 81. East northeast wind around 10 mph.

Friday Night: A chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 62. East wind around 5 mph.

Saturday: A chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 81. East wind around 5 mph.

Saturday Night: A chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 63.

Sunday: A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 82.

Sunday Night: A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 61.

Monday: A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 81.

Cloudy, cool (for Lubbock), and rainy. Definitely not the norm.

Happy Anniversary, Budd!

2008-08-18T13:58:00.007-05:00

Tuesday marked Budd's first anniversary since coming home from the pound. He had his favorite mashed potatoes mixed in with his dinner, and he gleefully ate everything in the bowl.

Including the candle.

FREE MONEY!!! CALL NOW!!!!

2008-08-04T11:28:00.006-05:00

I saw that our photos from D.C. were diligently posted... except for perhaps the single most important photo of all:

Oh yes, that is the Sis-In-Law and myself posing with That Guy From the Commercials. If you were never watching tv at 2am in days before http://www.grants.gov/, you probably don't recognize Matthew Lesko. But WE did.
Thats right, White House. You can't hold a candle to the experience of running into the most recognizable infomercial mogul at El Burrito Mexican Cantina in the Friendship Heights neighborhood of D.C.
Lets take a moment to analyze whats great about this situation:
1) This photo occurred only after an hour-long debate between SIL and myself about whether or not we should try to get a picture. It began when he walked in, continued through his margarita and complimentary chips and salsa, a scouting trip to the restroom, the rest of his dinner, and finally ended when the four of us happened to be leaving at the same time and we decided we had to go for it.
2) Mr. Lesko was not filming a commercial when we ran into him, which means he wears his question mark suit to early, casual, weeknight dinners with the wife.
3) Despite appreciating that this chance encounter is "once-in-a-lifetime," I fail to look at the camera and am caught mid-sentence, answering Matthew's question of where I am from.
4) Wait, is that a question mark on the bridge of his glasses? Yes, yes it is.
5) Minutes afterward, two guys walking the opposite direction passed The Suit, and we could see them argue between them as to whether or not that was the guy from the infomercials. SIL, totally unprovoked, stopped the guys to confirm that it WAS him, and showed them our photo.

Now if you'll excuse me, I just dusted off our office copy of LESKO'S INFO-POWER!!!! so that I can continue becoming a millionaire without doing any work, which seems perfectly reasonable and entirely possible to me.

Dolly Reaches Cat-2 Strength; Cantore Falls Further in Love

2008-07-23T10:44:00.002-05:00

Hurricane Dolly's winds have increased to 100 mph, making it a weak category 2 on the Saffir-Simpson scale. It is now considered a category "blah" hurricane on the Jim Cantore scale of drama. If you're not around a TV, you can watch clips of Jim Cantore and friends through weather.com. I'm not sure how often new clips arrive, but that's not the point. The point is watching Cantore stand on a beach and get sandblasted while berating the other idiots walking along the beach. "I don't see you with an AMS Seal of Approval, Jose!!!"

The Fact this Happened in Detroit Will Not Shock You

2008-07-23T10:09:00.003-05:00

WNBA Final
by bsap11

Courtesy of Awful Announcing.

Last night was the first time the WNBA mattered in... well, ever. The LA Sparks and Detroit Shock got into yet another rumble at The Palace in Auburn Hills, MI. Unlike the Artest fiasco, this did not involve any fans. It did involve Detroit Shock coach (and former Pistons "bad boy"), Rick Mahorn, shoving Lisa Leslie to the ground. Leslie is one of the original WNBA players and arguably the star of the league, for whatever that's worth. In addition, she's a 36 year-old mother who was pushed to the ground by a man 5 inches taller and 100 pounds heavier than her.

Rick Mahorn... class to the max.

Heeeeeee's Baaaaaack!!!

2008-07-22T10:09:00.006-05:00

It's that time of year again when the warm waters of the Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico heat up and fuel hurricanes. When disaster is imminent on the US coast, one man runs to the center of destruction. His name is Jim Cantore. His game is taking on all that Mother Nature has to offer and making it as dramatic as possible for the viewers of The Weather Channel.

Beginning today, you should be able to catch some live shots of Jim (and like three other people) along the Texas coast as Tropical Storm (soon to be Hurricane) Dolly bears down on the Texas/Mexico border. Jim will probably convince you that this hurricane is incredibly dangerous and all in its path will suffer. Sure, it is dangerous, especially if it stalls over Northern Mexico and causes significant flooding - the deadliest weather-related phenomenon on the planet. On the other hand, it's unlikely to reach even Category 2 strength. Provided you have a decent structure for a house, you should be OK.

And why do we need four people covering this weak hurricane? Talk about overhype. People, weather you like it or not (see what I did there?), are not interested in a hurricane if you aren't being blown over while trying to give a report. We need destruction. Just think about how you act when traffic slows or stops on a highway. If you get up to the accident and several cars have doors smashed in with another one laying on its hood, you're impressed. ("Man, that looks pretty serious. I hope they're OK. I love starring at this accident." OK, maybe you don't express that last line out loud, but you're thinking it.) If you get up to the scene and there are two cars on the side of the road with only a broken taillight as evidence of a crash, you're ticked off. ("Are you serious? We stopped for this?! It's not even worth looking at!")

If you've missed Jim "in the act" you can rediscover him today. The intense face. The dramatic voice. The bald head. Striking. Oh my gosh... I wonder if this is in HD. Anyway, enjoy the original Vermont Teddy Bear.

D.C. Revisited: West Wing Tour

2008-07-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

We apologize for not following up on the D.C. trip sooner. Things got a little busy in DC and shortly after returning to Lubbock. Now that things have calmed down, it's a good time to reflect on some of the trip. You can find a whole host of pictures here.

The West Wing tour was quite excellent, despite the fact it got off to a little bit of a late start. Laura's roommate, Sara, was unable to make it for the President's departure, but did join us for the West Wing tour. However, due to an issue with the Secret Service database, Sara had to wait a little while to get in. This was, in some way, a relief.

When we first came through security, I thought it was rather simple and easy considering I was entering the grounds of the White House and was about to stand 30 yards from the President of the United States. It was nowhere near as thorough as the airport. I simply emptied my pockets (kept the shoes on) and walked through a metal detector. The secret service police seemed less than concerned. Now, we had to provide our social security number before this visit, so there must be a lot of information behind that number. Also, they're quite picky with their schedule - if you don't show up when you were scheduled to show up, you can't get in. This was the hold up with Sara. Eventually, she was re-run through the database, approved for entry, and we were on our way.

The tour enters at the bottom level of the West Wing. Many of the hallways on this level are lined with recent photographs of the President or Vice President. In particular, I remember seeing a picture of President Bush with the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants. It reminded me that the Patriots, at 18-0, lost the Super Bowl. That will make any sports fan's day, unless you're from New England. In that case, I have no sympathy for you.

By my recollection, this bottom floor contains a dining area, which is across from The Situation Room. Needless to say, we were not granted access to this room. (And, no, I did not see Wolf Blitzer.)

The highlight of the upper level is obviously the oval office. The first thing I noticed (and I think others did as well) is how small the oval office appears in person (and the entire West Wing, for that matter). The only impressions I had of the oval office and West Wing until this point was on television and in movies. When replicating these in a studio, they clearly make them larger than in reality. Still, it's pretty special to see the Oval Office and other meeting rooms where famous politicians and world leaders have sat for decades.

The tour ended by departing from what I believe is the main entrance. The Presidential seal is located just above the door. From here, we made our way over to the new press room. The one interesting thing about the press room is the fact there is assigned seating. Each major newspaper and television news network has their seat assigned with a small plaque at the base of the chair. On the way out of the White House grounds, we passed "Pebble Beach," which is the humorous name assigned to the patio where the White House correspondents stand when reporting.

Overall, it was a pretty incredible afternoon. The rain cleared just in time to allow for the President to depart. We basically got to stand on the South Lawn of the White House and watch the President leave. Then we got a tour of the West Wing. All that fun made my crab cake taste most excellent at dinner.

DC Update: Presidential Departure

2008-06-01T09:31:00.015-05:00

We had the great fortune to observe a presidential departure yesterday from the south lawn of the White House. We were told President Bush was leaving to give a commencement address, but we aren't entirely sure where. In order to get to Air Force One, Marine One (see left) landed on the south lawn of the White House and picked up the President. How convenient.

There was a crowd of about 75 people around the south entrance to the White House to see the President off. Many of them were younger (around our age). We saw our fair share of secret service detail and police, which was cool to only me. It seems everyone else who works in DC is somewhat used to the security.

We got quite lucky with the weather. There were thunderstorms in the area for much of the early afternoon and the Baltimore/DC area was under a tornado watch through 5:00 PM. In fact, it was raining during our cab ride to the White House. (Side note: it's pretty sweet to jump into a cab and say "White House - Northwest gate.") However, once we arrived on the south lawn, the sun came out and weather was no longer an issue. The view looking south was quite excellent (see right).

We stood against a rope-like chain hoping the President would take the time to shake some hands before departing for Air Force One. Most other people simply mingled around the standing area talking with colleagues. It was pretty easy to pick out who had been to a departure/arrival before and who had not. We, of course, had not, so it was tough to keep our cool.

Eventually, there were signs the departure was imminent. White House employees set out three pads for the helicopter to land on. These pads were not large, by the way. I would guess their diameter was about 7 feet. Each pad could be rolled out and placed on the ground by one man. Then again, the Marine One pilot is probably one of the best helicopter pilots in the world, so I suppose it's not asking too much for him to hit such a precise spot.

Marine One landed (video at the bottom) and the rotors stopped. A marine, in formal attire, stepped out and opened both set of stairs. Almost immediately after he was done, The President of the United States walked out...

It only lasted about 15 seconds, but it was a pretty incredible 15 seconds. He did not walk over and shake any hands. This was not his choice. As we learned throughout the day, his every move is scheduled. Apparently, the scheduler did not believe there was time for shaking hands. Otherwise, I'm sure President Bush would've obliged.

An entourage followed shortly behind the President. This included the famous "football" carrying the ability for the President to authorize a nuclear attack, if necessary. As you probably know, this briefcase follows the President everywhere. Although we weren't able to tell which briefcase served this purpose, we were sure it was among those carried by the entourage.

And just like that, it was over. Marine One lifted off quickly and headed to Andrews Air Force Base. Decoy helicopters could be spotted flying around in the distance. Yes, all those things mentioned in Tom Clancy books and movies are fairly accurate. The measures of security are seemingly endless. Yet, unlike your local airport, it all runs very efficiently.

As we'll see in our next installment, not everything you see on TV or in movies is accurate. Stay tuned for our West Wing tour recap.

Region The Final Frontier

2008-05-08T21:27:00.006-05:00

A few weeks ago, I saddled up one last time for Prairie Corp. The end was finally in sight, and my rather fitting finale was going to require a record-breaking eleven towns in one trip. Most were from Region Final Frontier, but then there were a few stragglers from our fateful trip to Region Flatland.
But I had a good feeling about the day. As I filled up with gas, it was still early enough in the day that the breeze was light, and I could see without industrial strength sunglasses. The grocery store by the gas station was just opening, and a guy had his dog in the front seat of his two-seat pickup with the window down. People were coming over to pet the dog and ask about it, and the cool air and friendly folk made me sad that the allure of the prairie might soon be a distant memory. Oh wait, did I say dog? I meant horse.

A terrible thing had begun to happen at the end of my last trip. I turned a corner in one of the towns and it looked exactly like a town I had already been to. The buildings were arranged the same, angled the same, positioned the same relative to the highway, etc. I blinked a few times and shook my head, but to no avail; there were several seconds where I was convinced that M and I had already been to this town and the tumbleweed I had gleefully smashed with my car was actually a spacetime portal. I read and re-read the sign on City Hall to confirm that I was in fact in a town I had not been to. It was an awful moment, a sort of lateral vertigo.
I was disappointed to find that the towns of the Final Frontier were playing the same tricks on me, but at some point something changed and the most wonderful thing happened. The buildings and facilities I needed began to reveal themselves; every street I turned down was the correct one, and every time I paused to look around, the place I needed was directly in front of me. It was as though my car heard their silent call, and I glided effortlessly from town to town. Perhaps this was a result of having done this a million times already, but I think I somehow the prairie was rewarding me.

This was how the day the went. I thanked the prairie by stopping to appreciate all its subtleties that I previously overlooked for the sake of saving time and not annoying M or R. Oddly, all of these subtleties had to do with meat. First there was the tiny bbq place in County Line, where cars were parked four and five deep, and the chief of police didn't seem to mind that he was parked in. I contemplated robbing the bank. Then there was the barn on the main highway:

Look closely between the light and door...

I took the barn's advice, and finally stopped at one of those tempting homemade beef jerky places on the way to my last meeting. I can assure you, it was very fresh.

I had my final meeting with the Final Frontier Emergency Manager, who was the first female EM I had encountered in all of our trips. She was delightful. We finished up and I asked her directions to one facility. The response came "just head west on Waylon Jennings Boulevard." Oh is he from here? I asked. She confirmed that he was, and a passerby commented that his mother still lived in town. This kind of reminded me of that Simpsons episode when Mr. Burns' mother calls him. I thought Waylon was older than dirt, how old is Mrs. Jennings?? Female EM agreed with the passerby, and added that his brother, James Jennings owned the liquor store/beef jerky outlet by the traffic light.
Wait... that means I'm snacking on Jennings' family beef jerky!! Awesome.
As I continued my business in the town, I realized I hadn't seen very much of it on the way in. There was Waylon Jennings Boulevard, Waylon Jennings Bridge, Waylon Jennings High, and the watertower proclaimed that this was indeed his hometown. I couldn't think of a better way to end this project, so I headed for home with the windows open, singing Ladies Love Outlaws with a piece of James Jennings Beef Jerky hanging out of my mouth like a cigarette.

I relayed all of this to Tom back at Prairie Corp, and we discussed some final details to wrap up the project. Oh, he said, casually pulling out a pile of papers, here is what I want you to work on next. I nodded silently, and reminded myself to bring in the newest intern, T, for introductions so that things could rapidly be passed along to her. Tom flipped through his new vulnerability assessment program, and said "so I figure we'll set up meetings and go out to all the counties to get this done."

Wait, drive out to all the counties?

Again?

Sounds like a job for T.
***

Do me a favor... if you have read these entries, please leave a comment. It can be anonymous. Also, please check out M and I's collection of watertower photos from all the towns we visited. Or, the towns that weren't too small to have a watertower.

Drafting Memories...

2008-04-29T22:57:00.002-05:00

A year ago at this time, my best friend was getting married. In all his brilliance, he managed to get married on the first day of the NFL Draft. Luckily, the Browns were so awful, they picked before we needed to leave for the church on Saturday. Of course, they made a little bit of a splash later on with Brady Quinn and Eric Wright. Here are some memories I shared with him and a couple friends last week...

* I'll always remember getting lunch in the hotel restaurant and watching the draft on TV.
* I'll always remember you preparing the text message to call off the wedding if the Browns drafted Quinn at # 3.
* I'll always remember screaming in jubilation when Goodell said, "left tackle..."
* I'll always remember us sitting in the pews of the church updating the draft picks on our cell phones (after the ceremony, of course)
* I'll always remember that feeling coming over us as Quinn plummeted. At first, the feeling was one of hilarity, but as he continued to fall we all thought, "Hey, I'd take him at this point."
* I'll always remember getting in your car and turning on the draft to get the latest news. We knew something had happened, but we couldn't quite figure it out. I backed out of the spot and began pulling away from the church when...
* I'll always remember when we found out we got Quinn. Garvey let out the obligatory, "HOLY &*%$!!!" Healy asked, "Should we go back in and tell Dan?" And before I could respond, Healy was jumping out the door and running back into the church to let you know. In hindsight, this was fitting. Brady Quinn went to Notre Dame and Healy was running back into a church to let someone know we drafted him. Touchdown, Jesus.

(Side note: Think about the previous points in terms of time. We watched the Browns pick Joe Thomas at #3 in a hotel restaurant/bar, drove to the church, waited around, went through the entire ceremony, waited around for pictures, and got into the car to leave when the Browns traded up to draft Brady Quinn at #22. As someone who enjoys watching the draft, this reflection made me realize just how much time I wasted with this event. Thank goodness for the new timing rules.)

* I'll always remember getting to the reception and immediately looking for my dad. He wasn't hard to find, as he was already on his second CC on the rocks. (Actually, I can't say that with any certainty. It may have been his third.) He had that what-the-hell-is-going-on look on his face and I explained it all.
* I'll never remember what I said in my best man speech, but I remember people telling me they enjoyed it. I would like to credit Phil Savage and his staff for this speech.
* I'll always remember Healy mentioning, at some point, that the next Browns pick should be some kid named Eric Wright out of UNLV.
* I'll always remember checking the picks and seeing the Browns traded into the second round to draft some kid named Eric Wright out of UNLV.
* I'll always remember, with a bit of a fog, the father of the groom having us all do a shot of Crown way too late in the night.

If this is all I can remember, I'm quite possibly the worst best man in the history of best mans. Although, Garvey made an excellent case for him being the worst, but his situation was unique. He really wasn't all that great of friends with the guy that asked him to be a best man.

The draft, from a Browns' fans perspective, was not nearly as exciting this year. Thus, it's best to reflect on the greatness that was last year and the awesomeness that is the Bengals. At least Cincinnati learned their lesson and didn't draft any players with questionable character.

Oh wait...

"This is a little bit of a risk, yes," Bengals coach Marvin Lewis acknowledged.

Ummm... Marv... this might not be the year for picking "risk" players given your team's recent history.

Region Just Up the Road

2008-03-31T14:07:00.004-05:00

Yes, it has been a long time since I've put one of these posts up, and thats because its been a long time since R and I have been able to make a trip. In fact, its looking unlikely that R and I will ever make another trip together, due to the total mismatch of our schedules. But that's another story for another post. Recently I had a memorable Prairie Corp experience that didn't require me leaving the city limits: the Semi-Annual Prairie Corp Regional Leaders Banquet. I think they had some motto or theme created by one of the sponsoring organizations, but it might as well have been "Love Texas, or Go To Hell."

For starters, it was held at Cagel's Steaks, and for those of you that have visited me in Lubbock, I scarcely need describe the atmosphere. Tom Landry greeted me in the event barn sporting a necktie that appeared to made out of a Texas flag, and affixed to the tie was a Texas-shaped pin. This was all underneath a wool sport coat, and he teased me for wearing *only* a shirt with elbow-length sleeves before asking if we could stand outside to speak where it was warmer. Perhaps I should point out that the high that day was close to 90, and evidently the fans in the barn, or possibly the cooling effect caused by my massive amounts of sweat were making him chilly.
I felt like a mild celebrity, both because I knew a decent number of the people from previous trips, and because I was young female in a sea of good old boys. As Tom made the rounds of introductions, few could resist making some kind of remark, although I've noticed that ever since Monica Lewinsky became a household name, the word "intern" is almost certain to invite a round of winking and elbow-nudging. Arguably the "tendency" is higher among the retired cops and firefighters and the like; something I noticed even back in Oklahoma when a county official offered me a private tour of his Mobile Command Unit.
Something else that made me stick out was my cardinal, unforgivable sin that inevitably comes out in small talk- I'm not from from Texas. In fact, I'm not even from something remotely forgivable, like a Louisiana bayou or ranch but in Oklahoma. I'm from a large, urbanized, climatologically cold area in the north. Over the course of the evening, I was called a Yankee, a Damn Yankee, a Goddamn Yankee, and when Tom told one gentleman I was from Michigan, he frowned and said "is that north of Dallas?"
The icing on the Good-Old-Boy Cake though, was an employee from one of the counties in Region Ranchland. This guy had to be at least 120 years old, and bore striking resemblance to Yosemite Sam. On the side of his face was a long, Frankenstein-like scar, which I can only imagine he received when his musket misfired at the Battle of Gonzales, and appeared to still have the sutures intact. He was, in fact, one of the contacts I still needed to talk to, and he could scarcely conceal his glee when I asked for his phone number. He offered to write it on my nametag, and I hardly need to tell you where that was pinned. He commenced a lengthy diatribe about trouble with elected officials in his county, and his intentions to blow off steam at his ranch the following day by shooting every item in his extensive gun collection, which he described to us in great detail. When the question came up of where I was from, he squinted at me and shouted "is that east of the Mississippi?" "Yes," I said, ignoring the fact that he had pronounced it "mizz-hippy." "Tom, what you bringing goddamn Yankees around for?" he said, then winking in my direction said "call me!" before sauntering back to the bar.

So there I was... the sweaty, female, Yankee intern. Why go at all, you ask? Because again, anyone who has visited us knows that a free Cagel's dinner is not something to be taken lightly. And the social hour was only 45 minutes! A few winks and jovial insults are a small price to pay for a perfectly charbroiled ribeye served to you with a smile by Mr. Cagel himself. So we went through the buffet line, which laughably included salad. You never a saw more neglected thing than a salad in a West Texas buffet. Even Tom's boss, a rail-thin woman never seen in last season's fashions, scoffed at the salad saying "oh thats just going to take up more space on my plate!" before piling buttered corn onto her baked potato. If you're wondering what the vegetarian choice was, I believe it was the choice between leaving quietly or being forcibly removed.
We ate ourselves silly, and about halfway through the meal the presentations began. Roll call was taken by the judge from Jerksville. The same judge, I noted, that I had been required to call within a certain amount of time to inquire about the proper payment procedure for my speeding ticket. She may have been the only person there older than Yosemite Sam. It took her something like four days to complete the roll call, this was after she had teetered up to Tom outside to warn him that he was going to freeze inside in the 86-degree-Fahrenheit barn. I hated her.
The main presentation was from a regional economic development group. The speaker relayed a series of stories about attracting businesses and industry to the region, and how she found that a large number of people believed we were living in Lonesome Dove; something I could personally verify given my experience of telling all my damn Yankee friends and family where I lived, and having nearly all of them ask its proximity to Dallas and/or Houston. And while she had a very good point about the need to make more people aware of the region's universities, workforce, cheap land, etc., I couldn't escape the thought this whole thing was being done in a barn with a canyon mural and wagon-wheel light fixtures... and sponsored by none other than the City of Saddlebag. Lady, we do live in Lonesome Dove.
The City of Saddlebag followed with a brief speech about the merits of their rapidly growing town, including the world's largest saddlebag measuring 22ft in length and displayed outside of the Saddle Heritage Center. I was deeply saddened that we had spent a whole afternoon in that town and missed this glorious sight.

Dessert came around as the speeches finished up. Tom declined the pie, patting his already trim belly and claiming he didn't want to pack on too many more pounds. At the same time, he passed his empty plate to the busboy, and I noticed he apparently had no problem eating his butter-cheese-sour cream potato, or the 3-inch cube of pure fat that was the centerpiece of the steak. I didn't decline the pie though... I ate it, and then waddled back to my car after a round of fairwells. Bless their hearts, those Texans.

Stay tuned for the final installments of the PC project, which should be completed in the next week or two!

DST Begins!

2008-03-10T15:07:00.004-05:00

Hopefully, you remembered to "spring ahead" one hour this weekend as Daylight Saving Time began.

(And, yes, it is Daylight Saving Time. There's no 's' on the end of "saving" in the term. It's a verb in this case; you are saving time. You wouldn't say you are savings your money, would you? Let's hope not.)

People always complain about losing an hour of sleep on this day. Why do this to yourself? Pick on something you don't like, such as, "I'm losing an hour of this...

"Oh no! What will I do when I lose an hour of being stranded in my home during a blizzard?"

See? It's so easy! Don't dread about losing an hour of sleep because you're actually losing an hour of taking out the garbage or doing laundry. Plus, with the time shift, you'll save on your energy bills!

Wait... what? You won't save energy? You'll actually increase your energy costs?

Well, at least the sun will be out later into the day. This will allow for any outdoor activities you wish to have with family and friends. After all, that's much more important than energy bills.

Isn't it?

This Just In...

2008-03-09T14:36:00.004-05:00

For a more factual account of life on the prairie, here is a story M sent to me from our Sunday paper about two of the towns we visited.

Across the South Plains, once-bustling towns fading away
By Henri Brickey AVALANCHE-JOURNAL
Sunday, March 09, 2008Story last updated at 3/9/2008 - 4:35 am
Flomot, Texas, is dying.
It has been for years.
The town's vacant school hasn't held a class in decades.
Most of the town's buildings have long been abandoned and stand in ruins. Many still contain furniture, appliances and even clothing. Just no people.
Most of Flomot's residents are buried at the local cemetery.
But Flomot, located in the shadow of Llano Estacado escarpment about 84 miles northeast of Lubbock, isn't officially a ghost town - yet.
Ruth and Avril Lee are the oldest living residents in Flomot.
Once the Lees are gone, there's little hope that the town will survive much longer.
Two years ago, the Lees closed their cotton gin.
"Finding labor was pretty rough," Avril said. "There's nobody here anymore."
Besides the Lees, there are about five other families who call Flomot home.
About all that's left in the town is the post office, which Ruth Lee has run for the past 22 years.
Flomot's demise is hardly unique on the South Plains.
There are plenty of towns scattered throughout the region that blew away with time.
Places like Gomez and Emma, where grave sites are the only reminder that a town once stood there.
Others, like Tokio, might have an old abandoned schoolhouse, but nothing more to show for what once was a town.
It's a trend occurring throughout the South Plains. As larger towns and cities are attracting more residents, the smallest communities of West Texas are suffering a population exodus. Every few years, another town is all but wiped off the map.
In rural West Texas counties not adjacent to metropolitan areas, such as Motley County, where Flomot is located, the population has been decreasing steadily, according to the Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Institute for Rural and Community Health.
Of those living in rural West Texas, people over the age of 80 are the fastest-growing population, according to the institute.
The good ol' days
Ruth Lee was born a few miles from Flomot in 1929. Back then, she said, everyone lived totally self-sufficiently.
"It was really tough growing up here," she said. "Everybody had chickens, hogs, cattle and milk cows. People survived by farming and raising a vegetable garden."
Back in the 1950s, Flomot was a happening place.
There were several gas stations, two cotton gins, a couple grocery stores, two hotels, several cafes, an assortment of car and tractor dealerships and even a movie theater.
"There was a lot of stuff here at one time," said Billie Farley, 62, who grew up north of Flomot.
Flomot's name was derived from the first three letters of Floyd and Motley - the two counties that the town straddled, according to T. Lindsay Baker's book "More Ghost Towns of West Texas," published in 2003.
When Ruth Lee graduated from high school with 14 other students, there were still a few businesses operating in Flomot.
Still, most of her classmates moved away.
"People went off and got jobs and there wasn't anything for them to come back to," she said.
With so many people gone, it's getting hard to even hold a funeral when someone dies anymore.
"So many of us have died off we barely have enough people to organize a lunch," Ruth said.
Towns on the fringe
The sequence of events that lead to Flomot's slow demise is happening in small towns across the South Plains as machinery replaces farm hands and tractors take over fields once plowed with mules. Advancements in agricultural technology left small operations unable to compete.
A similar situation happened 105 miles south of Flomot in Justiceburg.
Like Flomot, Justiceburg is almost a ghost town with a few live souls too stubborn to move on or die.
Tommy Wadsworth is one of those souls.
Wadsworth, 54, makes a living trapping wild hogs in the rugged land surrounding Justiceburg. He lives alone with his two dogs and moved to Justiceburg a decade ago "for the tranquility."
Besides about four other families, Wadsworth has the town to himself.
Lots of people drive by Justiceburg every day. But few stop.
Remnants of the town are scattered among a dirt road loop, which sits a few hundred yards off U.S. 84. But you'll miss it if you're not paying attention.
What's left of Justiceburg is being swallowed by a tangled thicket of mesquite trees and bushes.
Maritta Reed, 67, moved to Justiceburg in the mid-1950s to raise a family with her husband.
Back then, Justiceburg was centered around the town's school, a first-through-sixth-grade school where a husband and wife team taught together.
The town was also home to a few businesses, including a market, a gas station, a blacksmith and a cafe.
"The school was the social hub of the whole community. Everything revolved around what happened at the school," Reed said recently.
In 1972, the Justiceburg school closed and the children living in Justiceburg went to school in Post, where most of the kids ended up moving after graduation.
"They identified with Post more than they did with Justiceburg," Reed said.
With the school closed, the town's mothers and wives tried to keep the community intact by turning the building into a community center and organizing events to bring neighbors together.
"We tried to keep it going for a while but it just fell by the wayside," said Reed, who now lives with her husband at nearby Lake Alan Henry. "There wasn't anything to bind the people together socially after the children left."
It didn't take long after for the town's population to plummet.
Today, Justiceburg is a town on its deathbed. A living reminder of what living in West Texas was like half a century ago.

Region Flatland

2008-03-03T17:17:00.011-06:00

Do you ever hear those stories about wives going away for a weekend, leaving husbands to care for the kids with clear instructions and written signage? And in spite of all that, she returns on Sunday evening to find the cat is missing and there are fire trucks on the front lawn?
Such was my first trip without the spouse-like companionship of M, who is now gainfully employed and uses her spare time to shop for canyon-view ranch houses. For months we had worked together, striving for a common goal, navigator and driver, planner and responder, Yankee and Texan; so I began to have doubts when I looked at the data she carefully archived for me and couldn't recognize half of the files. Actually, I began to have doubts before that when I tripped on my own laptop power cord, snapped it in half, and rendered my computer useless for the upcoming meetings. Actually, I began to have doubts before that when I called to confirm our meeting at the First Stop in Region Flatland and after a very pregnant pause the secretary informed me that Said Contact had was deceased. Had been for quite awhile, in fact.

M's replacement, R, is bright and pleasant and owns a Garmin. I believe the Garmin company took its name from an ancient Danish word meaning "only works in large cities." The Garmin fared well through our first town, but bless it, wouldn't accept "under the watertower" as an address in our second town, even though that was the precise location I had been given. (Memo to City Manager of Flatville: You have three watertowers in your town.) As we drove toward the correct watertower, pulled into the city office parking lot, and met with the very friendly City Manager, something felt odd... why hadn't the CM spoken with Tom Landry recently or heard of our project?

I had set up a meeting with the wrong person.

If my list of contacts was old enough to contain dead people, the numbers probably weren't all that accurate either. I needed the contact for all of Flatland, not just the City of Flatville. Now I will have to track down the Flatland contact by phone, and Tom Landry says he is a full-time cotton farmer who is tough to get hold of for noisy-tractor-based reasons.

So we punched in the address for a facility we needed to map in Flatville.
"Turn left in 100 feet," said the Garmin in a sultry female voice.

"I will," I said.

"Turn left in 50 feet," said the Garmin.

"I will!" I said.

"Turn left now."

" Well I can't because there is construction."

(If you fail to follow Garmin's directions, she says a very haughty "Re-CALC-ulating")

"Re-CALC-ulating."

"Ok, you don't have to get snippy because I can see where I need to go anyway."

"Turn right in 100 feet."

"No! Thats not going to work because of the construction!!!!"

"Re-CALC-ulating."

"BE QUIET!!! I CAN HANDLE THIS!!!!" Because obviously the Garmin was implying that M never would have made an appointment with the wrong contact.

Garmin and I had another run-in shortly thereafter. In the neighboring town of Flat Heights, R punched in the address of a facility, and the Garmin drove us directly to an empty lot with an abandoned backhoe. Perhaps this one wasn't the Garmin's fault though, since a brief inquiry at the Post Office confirmed that there are in fact two 8th Streets in Flat Heights. In fact, Main St. was the only non-numbered street, and the other parallel streets counted up in mirror fashion so that 1st St. was a block east and west of Main. I couldn't think of a more confusing naming system, and envisioned a lot of arguments in Flat Heights beginning with the words "I waited for you for 45 minutes......." But when another postal customer overheard my project explanation and request for directions, he explained he was in insurance and was there a way he could get a copy of our files; see, many of his clients don't know their street addresses, Flat Heights being such a small town and all. That explains the street-naming system: turns out all the residents of Flat Heights are completely retarded!

I started to feel bad for R. I was visibly tense from the botched meeting in City of Flatville and the Town of A Thousand 8th Streets. We were running out of time. If the sun went down before we had all our locations, the post offices would be closed, there would be no reasonable place to ask for directions, and unmarked buildings tend to be harder to find in the dark. R was already having a busy week and I was asking her to ride with me across a syrupless pancake and making all kinds of unreasonable demands on her for certain spreadsheets, addresses, phone numbers, and directions.

Things didn't get any better in Flatsborough. The City of Flatsborough doesn't... shall we say... play nice with Flatsborough County. It was a tedious meeting with our contact Billy Bob, for Flatsborough County, in which I had to go through paperwork for all the other cities in Flatsborough County while taking care not to mention the one I was currently sitting in. Maybe it was also made tedious by the fact that it was already 4:15 and the contact informed me that our database was missing three facilities, each in towns that were scattered on the fringes of the region. We hurried over to the City Contact, Joe Jack, and went through the same routine, taking care not to mention what county we were in. I briefly had a vision of a tornado striking Flatsborough, and Billy Bob saying to a FEMA worker, "can you please ask Joe Jack to pass me the generator cord?"

FEMA worker: He's right here, ask him yourself.

Joe Jack to FEMA worker: Can you please tell Billy Bob that I heard him and the cord is right next to him.

Billy Bob to FEMA worker: Can you please tell Joe Jack that if he put things where they belong, I wouldn't have to ask for them.

No, thats probably not realistic. FEMA would never show up for a tornado in Flatsborough.*

Perhaps the only good part of this day came after the meeting with Joe Jack. I should say, Officer Joe Jack, who offered to drive us to all the facilities in town, thus saving us the trouble of trying to find them ourselves. Awesome. And taking us in his squad car. Double awesome.

I don't remember entirely what all we mapped with the aid of Joe Jack, because I spent the whole time 1) wondering if people thought we were getting arrested, 2) hoping Joe Jack would spot something suspicious so he could leap out of the car with his gun shouting "hands up, dirtbag!!", 3) thinking of how I could tactfully ask to turn on the siren, and 4) listening to dispatch. I heard someone say "Whats your 20?" and "10-4" and"3 possible suspects spotted." I thought they only talked that way in movies. Coooooooool.

The fun was soon to end though, as R and I got back on the highway with my hopes of mapping all the facilities fading as fast as our sunlight. I pushed on to two facilities, but by the time we got to the second one, only a dim glow of light was left on the horizon. We had left over ten facilities, 3 whole towns, unmapped. I felt like a total failure and realized I was going to have to spend a Saturday afternoon catching up, not to mention calling the cotton farmer in Flatville a hundred times. We punched my house address into the Garmin.

"Forty-seven miles to destination."

"Thank you, Garmin."

"Turn left in 500 feet."

"I will, Garmin."

"This never would have happened if M had been here."

"What??"

"Forty-six miles to destination."

*It is really fashionable right now to take a shot at FEMA. Maybe they do frequently shoot themselves in the foot, but sitting in your attic with a small hammer and a bag of Fun Size Snickers isn't really being prepared for a hurricane, now is it?

The Flatville Public Schools mascot was something R and I really enjoyed, even more so that it was painted on a police truck...

Region Ranchland

2008-02-11T23:01:00.005-06:00

I'd like to just start this week's region by answering a comment from last week: No, these people don't remind me anything of the people I met in the Gulf region. For one thing, I can understand what my contacts are saying. For another thing, they don't shout angrily and unprovoked at me. In fact, as far as people go, Texas is one large gradient. It runs from NW to SE, understandable to incomprehensible, friendly to scary, dry to humid until I end up on the coast, sweating through my ears from the spicy food, delirious from the oppressive heat, and anxiously trying to remember what town it was where they burn Catholics.

This week began with wonderful and terrible news. M got a job at Panhandle Corp, a sister organization to Prairie Corp that is closer to home. Its wonderful because it means there is hope for me to someday get the job I want. It is terrible because at the time of her hiring our project was only 1/3 done, and M's replacement has extremely limited availability. So we decided to knock out several far-flung regions at once, and spend one very long day traversing Region Ranchland.

When you plunge off the enormous cliff described in Region Water, the land is really only favorable for grazing or filming westerns and thus controlled by a small number of enormous, wealthy ranches. The area is very sparsely populated, and M and I drove for over two hours to get to our first town, we'll call it Lazy G. Ranches are usually named for the symbols they use to brand their cattle... typically one or more letters or numbers arranged in a way that can be easily described and is totally unique to that ranch. A G resting in a semi-circle would be called Rocking G. You might have G- (G-bar) or ^G^ (flying G) and so on. Lazy G, the name I've chosen, would be a G laying on its side. The theme permeated everything in this area, even the tasty JJJ (triple J) mircobrewery in town.
The town of Lazy G was so named because it is literally owned and operated by the Lazy G ranch. Covering something like three million acres (literally), Lazy G is second only to the infamous King Ranch on the Mexican border. I say infamous because aside from its sheer size and tasty chicken casserole, King Ranch is primarily known for an elderly couple that ventured onto its property and were never heard from again.
So M and I went through our usual routine, GPSing the Lazy G school, Lazy G airstrip, Lazy G Rodeo Ring and Community Center (really), Lazy G Supply House (M noted a sign that they had a special on ammo this week) and when I went to turn around in a driveway, I found I was making a U-turn in front of an expansive mansion with the Lazy G symbol forged into the wrought-iron gates. The town was no bigger than say, the headquarters for a large ranch, so after about 15 minutes we were back on the main highway (which by this point was only two lanes) and heading back to the nearest town 40 miles away.

The nearest town- I'll call it Jerkstown for the people I've encountered there- is another prime example of a tornado magnet. Their primary source of income is speeding tickets, and I would know since they gave me my first and only one back in 2005 despite my extremely polite and agreeable nature. If you look around the room you're sitting in now, that is approximately the size of Jerkstown, and in spite of that, M and I could not locate the fire station we were looking for. This did not help my already low opinion of Jerkstown and it got even lower when I stopped to inquire at the courthouse and the County Clerk didn't know either. It might be worth mentioning at this point that this also happened in Lazy G and a few of the other towns we visited on this particular day, and each time my amazement grew that someone living in a town with six buildings could fail to know where one of them was.
She recommended I ask at the jail/sheriff's office across the street. Grumbling about how you lose a giant red truck in a town the size of my car, I traipsed over to the jail only to find that it was an ancient relic; humorously so, in fact. It was obviously leftover from when Jerkstown was founded, a turn-of-the-century, stone, square building with wooden bars on the windows and a sign which clearly stated there was a $25 fine for talking to prisoners. The front door was a windowless, cast iron castle door with a giant bar that I had to pull with both hands to get open, and made me a little uneasy knowing the building was a jail but not being able to see what was on the other side of the door I was opening. Inside, I found the sheriff and deputy half asleep with the TV on, amazingly not with a giant ring of keys on his belt that the prisoners could lift with a broomstick when he nodded off. I coughed slightly, which seemed to rouse them, and said I worked for Tom Landry at Prairie Corp. Sheriff rolled his eyes, which perturbed me even further since Tom is a really nice guy. I explained our project, and Sheriff offered a lot of good advice and directions to other facilities in the area, but remained strangely cryptic about the Jerksville FD, which he said was only a "red barn on the hill." On the way out, Sheriff said "tell Tom I said... well, just tell him." Jerk.
Despite there only being ONE hill in town, and on that hill there was only ONE red barn, M and I still weren't sure we had found the place. So after 10 minutes of navigating loose gravel roads the width of 3/4 of a car, we GPSed a red barn which may or may not have been the FD, given that it was the same color as a nearby house and had a small wheelbarrow in front of its door. We further explored the hill just to be sure, and after adamently insisting it had to be the guy's barn, and not an actual parking place for a fire truck, M saw the same barn from a different gravel road and insisted it was a different one that had to be the FD. I stopped the car both to get a better look at said barn from a distance, and to fully devote all my attention to telling M she was out of her mind, and it wasn't a different barn, it couldn't be since we had driven the entire length of the town... when I noticed I had parked in someone's barnyard and chickens were pecking around the car.
If I never go back to Jerksville, I won't be the least bit disappointed.

Just down the road from Jerksville is a town I will call Chaps, since its true name is also an amusing piece of cowboy attire. Since Sheriff in Jerkstown had given me such detailed directions to the facilities I needed in towns other than his own, we were able to get our GPSing done fairly quickly, except for one site. I stopped in city hall to ask, and the lady said "oh, its on the highway as you come into town, a big John-Deere-green-colored barn." So after spending about a half hour driving up and down the same stretch of road and confirming that we agreed on what shade of green a John Deere would be, M and I gave up trying to find it and went for lunch at Dairy Queen. People reading this up north might be saying now "Dairy Queen? Serving regular food? Open in February?" Indeed, in Texas, this is how DQ operates. But I am so conditioned that after I ordered my popcorn chicken, I couldn't resist an M&M Blizzard for my main course. DQ proved to be a wise lunch stop for several reasons. First, it was the only open restaurant in the 12 towns we visited that day. Second, M and I got a lesson in bullets since mounted examples served as the wall decor. Third, the kindly old woman behind us in line confirmed that the missing John-Deere-barn facility was actually in a pale-mint-green abandoned hardware store that we had passed fifty times but ruled out because it clearly was not the right color.

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident, unless you count severe drowisness or managing to repeatedly get lost in towns with only one road. As we pulled out of our last town, the sun had just dipped below the horizon. I looked at my odometer and realized we had driven over 350 miles. (Admittedly, 50 of those miles were directly the fault of the colorblind or tractor-ignorant lady giving directions in Chaps).

I leave you with some photos, including a shot of Jerkstown Jail.

Good Knight

2008-02-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

I would like to comment on the Super Bowl, but that will have to wait since Bob Knight decided to resign from his head coaching position the day after the Patriots choked (couldn't resist).

For the record, no one in Lubbock seems to be all that hurt. Oddly enough, the Texas Tech University President announced his resignation the Friday before the Super Bowl. For some reason, some local residents believe there is a connection between the two resignations, which tells you how much they know about Knight and the world of academia.

Since 2005, it's been known that Pat Knight would become the head coach of this team once The General decided to step down. So as strange as it might appear that Knight left during the season, it's really not too unexpected. In fact, to give you an idea of how much Pat has been pushed in this area, the flagship home of Tech basketball has a weekly Pat Knight Show. I've never heard an interview with Bob Knight on the station. Even after the elder Knight resigned, his first interviews were with a radio station in Minneapolis and ESPN. Pat Knight has only given interviews to the flagship radio station here in Lubbock.

The current team is relatively young, and their performance reflects as such. They're actually perfect at home (10-0) while struggling away from the United Spirit Arena (2-9, including 8 road losses in a row). They've won some games against tough opponents at home (Texas A&M, OK State) while losing to inferior opponents on the road (Sam Houston State, Centenary). Their play has steadily improved during the year and it appears Knight stepped away after he felt the team had become more stable. Granted, the departure of a head coach tends to destabilize the situation, but unlike most resignations, this one was expected at some point and the next head coach had been on the bench ever since Knight arrived.

Bob Knight wanted to step down earlier in the year, but was talked out of it. He had to leave a game against Centenary because of an illness. If you know anything about Bob Knight, you know that had to be one heck of an illness for him to sit out the 2nd half of a game. In addition, the man is 67 years old. It's not ancient, but when you consider his style of coaching, you could see where the man might age quickly. He's a rather intense coach (to put it kindly) and I imagine 42 years of screaming at players and officials has taken its toll. In fact, both Roy Williams (UNC) and John Beilein (Michigan) experienced dizziness/vertigo during games they coached this week and the announcers of each game suggested this was something each coach struggled with from time to time. Pat Knight has also mentioned how the death of Skip Prosser (Wake Forest) over the summer caused some concern about his father's well-being.

I probably never could've played for Bob Knight. It's not that I fear him, I'm just not good at taking orders. Ask me to do something and I'll say "yes" to a fault. Ordering me to do something doesn't go over as well. That said, if someone I knew was considering playing for Knight, I wouldn't dissuade them. He's a great coach and a great teacher.

In an era where lying and cheating runs rampant through college and professional athletics, Bob Knight is quite a refreshing character. He usually tells you exactly how he feels and what he's thinking. He's not often spinning things in hopes of developing a positive perception among his audience. He graduates better than 90% of his players, which is more than you can say for almost any college coach. He's never had an NCAA violation brought against his programs, which is more than you can say for most schools. He's won three NCAA championships, an NIT championship and an Olympic Gold Medal (technically, he didn't win a medal as they're only awarded to the players, not the coaches). In addition, there's no evidence he videotaped Spain's final walk-through before the Gold Medal Game, nor has he been accused of any other form of cheating.

Yes, he's had physical altercations with players in the past, but think about how many current athletes' necks you'd like to ring. Off the top of my head: T.O., A-Rod, Dustin Pedroia, Jeremy Shockey, Rasheed Wallace, Rory Sabbatini, to name a few. Knight's passion for the game has caused him to make mistakes in the past and he's admitted as such. Still, his coaching legacy and his attention to the word "student" in student-athlete are unquestionable. Plus, he's left us with some great quotes:

On journalists: "All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things."

On his humorous press conferences: "And I would be the first to admit that probably, in a lot of press conferences over the time that I have been in coaching, indulging my own sense of humor at press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit."

On preparation: "Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win."

On his death: "When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are passed, I
want them to bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass!"

Regions Tornado Magnet & Saddlebag

2008-02-02T17:21:00.000-06:00

To be described as a tornado magnet, a place has to have a certain quality. First, it helps to be so remote that few would notice if it completely disappeared. Second, there has to be a certain sense of defeat about the place, as though it has given up its fight for existence and is just waiting to get hit.
The town of Tornado Magnet was just so, and earned its nickname for the absurdly high number of tornado warnings it had this past spring. Some mountains to its west and northwest make it "the first line of defense" for lee-low storms moving into the Prairie Corp regions. M and I drove and drove across pancake terrain, until we were about five miles from the next state. Passing cars became less frequent, and the town square surrounding the main municipal building was deserted. When we parked and got out of the car, the wind picked up carried a few tumbleweeds (really) through the street. Then The Good, The Bad & The Ugly whistle played in the distance (not really).
Nobody was around, outside or in. We poked our heads into the commissioner's office, clerks office, and a small courtroom, but the only place (logically) where someone was guaranteed to be was outside of the basement jail. M and I stuffed ourselves into the tiny guard office to inquire about our contact, and pressed ourselves against the wall so Warden could go get him, only to realize that we had backed right up to the height-chart background for mug shots. I was a little leery that booked prisoners were within earshot, and M calmed me by turning around and virtually shouting "whoa, how tall am I???" She was 63 inches in nice shoes. So was I.

Contacts seem to be falling into two categories- eager to help, or annoyed you are there. The latter usually prompt M and I to wonder, what could they possibly be so busy with? Unrest among the citizen? Is the dirt harvest especially bountiful this year? Anyway, our contact- we'll call him J.R.- right away started acting cranky when he didn't have information that he is required to keep handy. J.R. reminded us on several occasions how short-staffed he was, and when we inquired about a particular type of ranching facility in the region, J.R. said "we ain't got that kinda money 'round here." I asked him about the storms this past spring, for which he blamed the neighboring state. Sure, they come right out of the mountains to you guys, I said, and instantly regretted it because the look on J.R.'s face told me that "theory" was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Mountains don't make storms. Gosh.

Minutes later we emerged into the deserted town square that seemed so positively determined to give up on itself, and did our brief survey of facilities in town. We did the creepy school thing again, and expanded it this time to a hospital. We needed more information that J.R. had been unable to provide (really, didn't even bother trying to provide), so M went in and asked the first person she saw. How many beds do you have in this facility? M asked. 40, came the reply, without any request for M's credentials or ID. So if I wanted to release a biological agent, I should aim to infect at least 45 people just to make sure I really do some damage? M continued. Ok, M didn't really ask this, but what does it take to raise a red flag in these places??

Utterly depressed by Region Tornado Magnet, we looked at the map and realized we were separated from our contact in Region Saddlebag by about 50 miles, and had to make a small detour to a town so small that our GPS navigation software couldn't locate it. Let me first say that Region Saddlebag is so named because its true name is an equally funny piece of horse tack. I have a certain fondness for the town of Saddlebag, where I saw my first funnel cloud from very close up. So we made our stop in- I'll call it Cactusless since even the plants appeared to have left. Unable to find the facility we needed (which was really a feat since the "town" was only 1/4 mile long), M stopped to inquire in the post office. I think the Cactusless Postmaster was lonely-not that I can blame her, being what appeared to be the sole resident of a remote town- because she told M her life story of growing up in Cactusless (then called Plenty of Cacti), and took about twenty minutes to arrive at the dramatic conclusion wherein the facility we needed was torn down three years ago. I was about to wonder who else could possibly live in Cactusless when I observed a middle-aged woman about 1/8 mile down the road (halfway across town, I suppose) get in her car at her house and drive up to the post office. I'm sure she would have walked, but you know, traffic can be hell at that time of morning.
The place was so desolate and remote that it became surreal, with the abandoned gas pumps, trees coated with thick, white, windblown cotton from the fields, and the open prairie backdrop to the post office. I began to have visions of those people in the Twilight Zone who stopped for directions back to the interstate and were never heard from again. M and I headed for Saddlebag.

As I said before, contacts can fall into two categories, and Boomhauer in Saddlebag was the opposite of J.R. If you have ever watched King of the Hill, I needn't tell you how Boomhauer spoke. As I sat watching him call on-duty policemen off task to see that mine and M's every need was met, I reflected that even if our contacts had different attitudes, they all had one thing in common. They were all good old boys. I like to think I am perceptive and intuitive about these things, but it may have been Boomhauer's ringtone that clued me in. Just the good old boys... never meaning no harm... Really, that was actually his ringtone... in trouble with the law since the day we was born...

Ah, where to start gushing about Saddlebag? With the delicious, satisfying lunch of tomatilla enchiladas? With the fact that just two days earlier, some fields just south of the town had been burned to a crisp by a wildfire and even though ranchers were calling off the hook to see who was going to pay for their new fenceposts, Boomhauer still spent two hours ensuring we had everything we needed? With their inspiring refusal to become another dying prairie town?

M had explained our GPS task to Boomhauer over the phone, but what he must have heard was "we'll GPS anything you take us to, including your Great Aunt Mabel's chicken coop if you so desire" because for the better part of an afternoon we trucked all around Region Saddlebag, capturing coordinates of... well I'm pretty sure Great Aunt Mabel's chicken coop made it in there. Boomhauer's enthusiasm for GPS and Google Earth was exceeded only by his pride in Saddlebag. He pointed out a lot of new construction, and after awhile I asked him (tactfully) why Saddlebag was doing so well while not fifty miles away Tornado Magnet had one foot in the grave. With a tear in his eye, he explained that Saddlebag had attracted dairy business from California, and that folks in Saddlebag were just the nicest around, and they shared the pioneer spirits of their forefathers.

I can't say a word against Boomhauer's enthusiasm of course, because he is essentially responsible for the security of his region. And believe me, you want your security personnel to fret over whether or not they need Aunt Mabel's chickens on a map. You want them to have so much pride in their community that they take you to see the new valves on their watertower (that really happened, by the way). Because I'm certain that in 20 years, Tornado Magnet will be a dusty memory, and Saddlebag will still be going strong.

So I leave you with a photo that I snapped after being roused from an enchilada-induced quasi-siesta by Just the good old boys.... never meanin' no harm.... We had just pulled back onto the paved road after GPSing a remote communications tower, and Boomhauer was informing an angry and very-recently-ticketed city councilman via cellphone that he darn well better pay the fine since stop signs apply to everyone. So M and I took in the scenery for a brief minute, and I'm able to present to you a little slice of the kinds of places we go. I use the term "place" very loosely.

Region Water & Region Dull

2008-01-26T14:47:00.000-06:00

As part of our project for Prairie Corp, M and I need to gather certain information about important facilities in the given region. Usually we will snap a photo of the facility for good measure. This always makes for some discomfort when the facility is a school. In session. At recess or dismissal time. In a small town where everyone knows everyone else and knows without a doubt that M's car does not belong to any of their residents. On a day where I forgot my digital camera and M's digital camera isn't working, and we have to use her video camera to take the still shots.
Of course, we are are covered in layers of credentials and professional attire, but nobody can see this from the outside of the car. Combining the facilities we had visited prior, our trip to Regions Water & Dull marked probably the 20th time we had sat parked in an unfamiliar, unmarked vehicle, pointing a video camera at the front door of a school without a single person questioning us. Do me a favor parents, if you see this happening, dial 9-1 on your cell phone and walk over to politely inquire. Even if the girls in the car look 17 years old. They won't mind. They'll be glad you asked.

Such was how we creepily began our morning in Region Water, so named for it being the only PC region with a permanent, naturally occurring body of water. The PC Regions are divided in half by an abrupt, enormous cliff that makes the terrain go from pancake-like to rolling canyons and mesas. Every time I go to Region Water, I think of the cartoons where one character being pursued by another will suddenly come to the edge of a towering cliff, lest the chase scene drag on too long. When I used to see this, I would think "no way could that ever happen in real life. How can you not see a cliff coming??" In Region Water, it could easily happen. In fact, if I ever found myself in a wagon chase around here, I would be very, very cautious.

Our work in Region Water took almost no time at all, since the population- for the whole region mind you, not just a single town- is in the low thousands. Our contact- we'll call him R.W.- answered all our questions with a gentlemanly, businesslike Yes Ma'am. Or No Ma'am. R.W. is this the only facility in Trailerville #2? Yes Ma'am. Does Trailerville #2 have a post office? No Ma'am. What division is your football team? 2-A, Ma'am. He warmed up his truck for us, since Region Water was experiencing single-digit windchills and even took us to see the Single Naturally Occurring Body of Water, which was very pretty indeed.

So we hit the road ahead of schedule, with a mere completely uninhabited 60 miles separating us from our contact in Region Dull. Dull is back up on the pancake terrain, and without any of the natural beauty of Region Water we amused ourselves by trying to locate things- any things- that could be seen from the road. I found a small herd of longhorns, M saw a tree, and then I saw a single, lone prairie house with a Steelers flag in the window. I like working with M because she, like all of our contacts, is from a small ranching community. I always think she relates much better to them, but the little flag on that remote prairie reminded me that bone-crushing blocks bring everyone together, and maybe we're not so different after all.

I won't spend too much time talking about Dullsville, since it is very aptly named. They lack all the things that make these towns so charming: mom & pop eateries, turn-of-the-century brick municipal buildings, contacts who don't behave like you are completely wasting their time and then get annoyed because they don't have the information you need, even though its in their job description to keep track of it and you showed up at exactly the time you said you would and somehow they were still a little irritated that they hadn't had time to finish their drink from lunch. Perhaps the only non-dull thing about Dullsville was that I had once stayed there on a storm chase, and pointed out the Chinese restaurant we had eaten at to M. Seeing it again, I realized we must have been really, really hungry.
The dullness of Region Dull extends even to their outlying communities, which M and I visited after lunch at a dull national chain. Desire to found your own prairie town? Follow this formula and arrange in linear fashion: open field, grain silo, highway, post office, houses, fire department/city hall, school, open field. This actually makes our job of finding places easier, and luckily we didn't have to do our usual creepy lurking outside the schools since they all had the afternoon off for the Dull County Stock Show. I ask you... which is a more dull way to spend an afternoon? In school, or watching a parade of livestock? You may fall asleep just thinking about it. I almost did.

Upcoming: Our trip to Region Tornado Magnet and Region Saddlebag.

Region Pie

2008-01-24T15:54:00.000-06:00

I always feel like with the name of this blog, we should be posting witty yet profound observations of life in a prairie outpost. But it wasn't until I recently started a project with a regional entity... we'll call them Prairie Corp... that I really had anything to tell. It might be that we lead a dull life, or it might be that I've grown too accustomed to tumbleweeds in the Target parking lot, and people filling up with gas in their chaps.

PC asked us to complete several tasks, requiring travel to every single community, in every single PC region. The regions vary greatly in size, population, proximity to our home, and per capita barbeque places, but the Corps would not be impressed with "learned to knit in circles while working on dissertation" under the Experiences portion of my resume.

So we set out for our first region... I'm going to call it Region Pie because I had previously dined at a cafe in one of their towns which is known for its fantastic selection of homemade pies. Its the kind of pleasant place with yellow checkered tablecloths and a view of the town square where the aroma of homemade crust wafts down the sidewalk . When we set up the appointment with our contact in Region Pie- lets call him Wyatt- I had said in a lighthearted but very deliberate tone "oh, perhaps we can meet at the Pie Cafe for lunch!" meaning, of course, that if we didn't get to go to the Pie Cafe, I would not hesitate to inform Prairie Corp that Wyatt had robbed us and slashed M's tires. Or something.

So we spent the morning with Wyatt, filling out paperwork and completing other tasks for PC, stomachs rumbling the entire time in anticipation of the pie-fest that was sure to come. As noon rolled around, Wyatt said "how about lunch?" and M and I licked our lips and exchanged knowing, pie-hungry glances. The only question that remained, in fact, was whether or not it would be appropriate to replace the usual lunch sandwich with a second piece of pie. On the way in to town, Wyatt made a sudden turn. I naturally assumed he knew a shortcut to the Pie Cafe... but he turned into the parking lot of Not the Pie Place, which by the look and smell of it, was the local hangout for Civil War Veterans. To make matters worse, they messed up my order of roast beef and potatoes, instead bringing me cured saddle leather with a side of barely-defrosted lima beans. I don't even have to tell you there was no pie.

Now for one of the jobs we do for Prairie Corp, we require certain copies of certain municipal documents. Most of the time, these copies are either already on hand with the contacts we visit, or can be easily obtained via email or fax. In this day and age, it is hard to conceive of any professional entity existing without said equipment, but the town of- we'll call it Trailerville- had managed to find a way. Having already prepared to visit the other communities in Region Pie, we told Trailerville we'd swing by City Hall and pick up the papers ourselves. How does one get to City Hall in Trailerville? we inquired of Wyatt (who seemed perfectly satisfied by his lunch of Spamloaf and cornbread). Well, you know Hilljacks Liquor Depot on Route 6? Yes, we said. Well you go inside Hilljacks and its behind the two-way glass on the left. Ok, so make a left at...wait, inside Hilljacks??
Indeed, thats where it was. Right across from the vodka aisle. The Mayor of Trailerville was very pleasant, and put down her lidded coffee mug full of lord-knows-what long enough to give us all the papers we needed. It would be easy to laugh at Trailerville for putting its city hall inside of a liquor store, but you probably would have chosen the only non-manufactured structure in town too.

Thats all for now. Stay tuned for our adventures in Region Water and Region Dull!

Happy Fake New Year!

2008-01-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

You know, for all this time we've been traveling and moving around, neither of us have ever spent a New Years Eve not in the Eastern Time Zone. We got back from our Christmas Driving Tour of the I-80 Corridor with a twinge of curiosity. How does the Central Time Zone celebrate, we wondered. With no one else in town, we settled in for a quiet New Years. Would it be like Conan's party of famous people from CT- including Abe Lincoln and a Cowboys Cheerleader- dancing around? Do they have fireworks over the lake in Chicago? Drop a lighted burrito from atop the Alamo?

Nope. They put Dick Clark on tape delay.

By Dick Clark, of course I mean Rockin' Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Rockin' Eve, the place to see the Ball Drop Live in Times Square. And we found this out because we were also watching the only other thing worth watching on New Years Eve, which was Robbie Maddison's 322 ft world-record-breaking motorcycle jump which cut away at 11pm Central to show the actual ball drop. So at midnight- already disappointed that Robbie glided to an easy landing and we didn't get to see them scraping his charred limbs off the ramp- we said Happy New Year to a recorded shot of Times Square while in our hearts we knew all that was left was a street full of confetti because the freezing people who hadn't been able to sit down for 14 hours were long gone. This was the actual photo of Budd at midnight:

Exactly.

This was the actual photo of Steve at 12:01 am, ditching Ryan Seacrest for the way more awesome Guitar Hero for PS3. You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore.

Did you notice the SNOW cutout on top of the DVD shelf? Are you still wondering about the snow dog in the previous post? Because we did indeed keeeep herrrrrrr. For now, at least. Yes... the fluffy white dog with the I Heart Snow collar- who followed me for 3 miles because she knew we had a snow-themed wedding, snow-themed Christmas tree, snow village, and snow gauge in the front lawn- was named Suzy Snowflake and became part of our home. Steve chose the name for a song he learned on the sax about a snow fairy who comes to town at Christmastime. As if the snow signs weren't enough, she won us over by already being house-trained, actually listening (unlike a certain grumpy Basset I know), and tiring out Budd through many romps while still being extremely docile and gentle towards her humans. We are still taking applications from close friends and family members, so if you are looking for an indoor dog to keep you company and you don't hate snow, apply today!

Happy New Year!

New, Temporary Addition to the Family

2007-12-19T15:21:00.000-06:00

This followed Andrea and Budd home from a walk yesterday. She was wearing an "I (heart) Snow" collar, so she naturally gravitated toward the only house in Lubbock whose occupants love a snowstorm. She must have taken to Budd or Andrea (or both) because she wouldn't leave once Andrea and Budd went inside.

Long story short, she spent the night in Budd's old crate and was taken to the Haven today in hopes of finding a good home. This good home could be anywhere in west Texas, including the one Budd occupies. Stay tuned...

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

2007-12-17T21:27:00.000-06:00

This is the way football should be in December. Snow-covered fields, wind-blown snaps, and the inability to see the play from the stands. OK, the last one can be a little annoying, but if you were there, you can always tell the story all fans like to hear. Let's hope to see some more of this in the last two games and the postseason. It always makes for an entertaining game.

Also, the author would have no complaints if the Browns decide to keep winning football games.

Steve Jackman's Big Bowl Preview II

2007-12-09T21:16:00.000-06:00

(Thanks to John Meyer for the title idea.)

Last year's bowl preview was sent via e-mail. This year's will use the blog medium for dissemination to the masses. At this rate, I'll provide the bowl preview for ESPN.com's Page 2 in 5 years and be fired from that gig in 7 years.

(All times EST)

Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl - Mount Union vs. UW-Whitewater, Dec. 15, 4:00 PM ESPN
For the third straight year, the Purple Raiders square off against the Warhawks for the Division III Championship. Mount Union has won the last two meetings (35-28 and 35-16) to capture the crown. So far, Mount Union has outscored their playoff opponents 215-49. Best of luck, Warhawks.

The remaining games are all Division I-A (or FBS) matchups.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl - Utah vs. Navy, Dec. 20, 9:00 PM ESPN
Yikes. Not a great place to start. Both teams were 8-4 this year with some pretty ugly losses (Navy to Delaware and Utah to UNLV). Utah has done a much better job on defense (Navy beat North Texas, 74-62 without any overtimes) and that has me thinking Utah can slow down the Midshipmen and come away with a victory. Poinsettias for all the Utes!!

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl - Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic, Dec. 21, 8:00 PM ESPN2
I decided to check the laundry before analyzing this game. Two games into typing this and I'm already bored. Maybe it's because both of these teams were 7-5 this year and didn't beat anyone impressive. That said, Florida Atlantic faced off against some decent teams (Oklahoma State, Florida, Central Florida, and Kentucky) and went 6-1 in their conference (Sun Belt). Now, I have no respect for the Sun Belt Conference, but at least they played some decent non-conference opponents. Memphis' non-conference opponents consisted of Mississippi, Arkansas State and Jacksonville State. I say Howard Schnellenberger gets his Owls ready to play and defeats the Tigers. (In other words, Florida Atlantic over Memphis in the bowl for truckers.)

Papajohns.com Bowl - Southern Miss vs. Cincinnati, Dec. 22, 1:00 PM ESPN2
About the only thing that can help Southern Miss is a year of eligibility for Brett Favre. Cincinnati should win this game. Of course, those losses to Louisville and Pitt during the middle of the year have to scare you a little. Also, I would like to reiterate my love for ordering pizza online. It's one of the better uses of the Internet out there. Certainly not as stupid as blogs... whatever those are.

New Mexico Bowl - Nevada vs. New Mexico, Dec. 22, 4:30 PM ESPN
New Mexico sneaked into this game last year at 6-6 and were rightfully defeated by San Jose State, 20-12. The Lobos are more deserving this year, having finished the season 8-4. Nevada (6-6) has a pretty explosive offense when they're on, but have been really inconsistent with Freshman Colin Kaepernick running the show. New Mexico should win this game. I mean, it is called the New Mexico Bowl. It would be pretty sad if they lost.

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl - UCLA vs. BYU, Dec. 22 8:00 PM ESPN
In last year's preview, I accurately predicted a BYU victory over Oregon based solely on the Cougars ability to avoid temptations of gambling and hookers. It showed in the final score as BYU trounced Oregon, 38-8. Nothing should change this year as UCLA visits sin city. Sure, UCLA defeated BYU 27-17 in the 2nd week of the season, but that was when UCLA was ranked 13th and before they lost about 3 QBs and their head coach. By the way, this is the third game of a tripleheader, so enjoy the abundance of college football before a little lull leading up to New Year's weekend.

Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl - Boise State vs. East Carolina, Dec. 23, 8:00 PM ESPN
Last year's little-team-that-could gets a trip to Hawai'i to battle the Pirates of ECU(7-5). I pleaded for Boise State to beat Oklahoma last year in hopes that it may lead to a playoff. Well, it hasn't happened yet, but there could be more fuel added to the fire this year (see below). As for this game, I see a Boise State (10-2) victory. Other than an early-season bad game against Washington, the Broncos played very well this year before losing to undefeated Hawai'i. ECU lost to Southern Mississippi, whose ineptness has already been discussed.

Motor City Bowl - Purdue vs. Central Michigan, Dec. 26, 7:30 PM ESPN
Christmas is out of the way and now the bowl season really gets ramped up as we head toward the new year. The matchups are more exciting and the payout is greater.

(I need to step back a moment and retract my rant from last year. The 2006 Motor City Bowl featured Central Michigan and Middle Tennessee State - not an exciting game on paper or in Ford Field. However, there weren't too many options as the Big Ten sent two teams to BCS bowls and did not have enough 6-win teams to fill this game. Also, MTSU finished 7-5 and needed to be selected for a bowl game before any 6-6 team, such as Pitt. Thus, we got that wonderful matchup.)

This could be a really exciting game as both teams are capable of putting up a lot of points. I would definitely take the over on this one. Purdue defeated CMU 45-22 on 9/15 and went 3-0 against the MAC this year. Their only "bad" loss was at Indiana to end the year, but the emotional circumstances surrounding that game call the "bad" label into question (see below). I would think Purdue gets the Big 10 off to a good start in bowl play by pulling out a close victory. Also, look for Joe Tiller to sport a Fire Millen grocery bag during the 3rd Quarter.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl - Arizona State vs. Texas, Dec. 27, 8:00 PM ESPN
This is usually an exciting bowl game. (I predicted as such last year and it was an exciting game, if you were a Cal fan.) Again, both teams have put up some points this year and both teams have shown the ability to come back from big deficits. The big question - can either team play with a lead? Arizona State should win this game because I hate Texas. Yeah... that's solid analysis. (Somewhere, Trev Alberts nods in agreement.)

Champs Sports Bowl - Boston College vs. Michigan State, Dec. 28, 5:00 PM ESPN
Boston College (10-3) should really win this game, but there's that part of you that knows Matt Ryan is going to phone it in and just make sure he doesn't get hurt before NFL Draft season. BC hasn't played all that well since losing to Florida State in early November, so Michigan State (7-5) has a chance if those two running backs can get off. Side note: the Champs Sports Bowl web site has to be the most annoying web site just based on appearance.

Texas Bowl - TCU vs. Houston, Dec. 28, 8:00 PM NFL Network
The NFL Network can have this game for all I care. Each team's resume is horrible. Be glad if you don't have the NFL Network. At least last year's game had Ray Rice and Rutgers. I don't know who wins this game and, frankly, I don't care. Fortunately, there is another game...

Emerald Bowl - Maryland vs. Oregon State, Dec. 28, 8:30 PM ESPN
Unfortunately, it's not much better. Oregon State is the better team and should win this game. Also, a Beaver win would make Derek Anderson happy, and if Derek Anderson is happy, I am happy. This game will be played in AT&T Park, where the San Francisco Giants play. I got $20 for anyone who runs on the field in a giant syringe suit.

Meineke Car Care Bowl - UConn vs. Wake Forest, Dec. 29, 1:00 PM ESPN
OOOOHHHH BABY!!!! UCONN!!! WAKE!!! BIG EAST!!! ACC!!!! DIPSY-DOO, DUNK-A-ROO!!!!!! YOU GOTTA LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL BABY!!!!! IT'S AWESOME WITH A CAPITAL 'A'!!!!!

AutoZone Liberty Bowl - UCF vs. Mississippi State, Dec. 29, 4:30 PM ESPN
Not gonna do it...

Valero Alamo Bowl - Penn State vs. Texas A&M, Dec.29, 8:00 PM ESPN
Let's just hope the Giants keep it interesting against the Patriots because this game will likely put you to sleep. I'll use last year's Capital One Bowl description here... "You know those 3rd and inches plays where they hand off to the fullback hoping to get 5 inches and you have to peel guys off the pile to determine the spot of the ball? That's this entire game, in a nutshell." I might have to start an annual "Fullback up the Middle" bowl game for each year.

PetroSun Independence Bowl - Alabama vs. Colorado, Dec. 30, 8:00 ESPN
"PetroSun is a diversified energy company specializing in the discovery and development of both traditional fossil fuels and renewable energy resources. " Ladies and gentlemen, I would invest in PetroSun. If they can develop fossil fuels, they will soon be the world's leader in energy supply. As for the game, look for a Colorado win. Then look for Nick Saban to compare such a loss to the losses incurred by Hurricane Katrina. Did I mention this game was in Shreveport, LA? You dead, dawg.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl - California vs. Air Force, Dec. 31, 12:30 PM ESPN
Was there a more disappointing team this year than Cal (6-6)? Well, yes, it was Michigan, but that's not the point. Cal started the year 5-0 and rose to #2 in the standings before losing a home game to Oregon State. They proceeded to lose 5 of their 6 remaining games to such great teams as UCLA, Washington and Stanford. Air Force (9-3) has no real "bad" losses on their schedule having lost to other bowl-bound teams in BYU, Navy, and New Mexico. So, Air Force should win. Plus, it's the Armed Forces Bowl sponsored by a company that makes helicopters. Sounds like a sure-fire win for Air Force. Side note: I love the Bell Helicopter description on their web site:

"We design, build, and support the most proven, most reliable, and best performing aircraft in the world. With our revolutionary tiltrotor technology, we are redefining flight.

Welcome to the leading edge of vertical lift.

Fly Smart. Fly Bell."

Take that, PetroSun.

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl - Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State, Dec. 31, 2:00 PM ESPN2
The annual battle on the blue field has a new sponsor - Roady's Truckstops. So, we have a bowl game sponsored by a trucking company and another sponsored by truckstops. Outstanding. Did you know... Roady's has a truck stop at Exit 151 on I-71 in central Ohio? Yes, it's the Mount Gilead Truck Plaza and, trust me, it's needed. Mount Gilead is a bustling metropolis. As for the game, Fresno State (8-4) should be able to handle the cold conditions and people of Boise better than Georgia Tech (7-5).

Brut Sun Bowl - South Florida vs. Oregon, Dec. 31, 2:00 PM CBS
Talk about two teams everyone forgot about. Good thing they'll be playing in El Paso - it'll be tough to find them there. "Welcome to El Paso - it's almost Mexico!!!"

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl - Kentucky vs. Florida State, Dec. 31, 4:00 PM ESPN
Kentucky won this game last year and should win again. Half of Florida State's players and coaching staff will be on a drunken trip to Dollywood in hopes of riding Twin Peaks. (Hey, Steve, 1990 called... they'd like their joke back.)

Insight Bowl - Indiana vs. Oklahoma State, Dec. 31, 6:00 PM NFL Network
Last year's Insight Bowl proved to be one the best bowl games of all time. Texas Tech erased a 38-7 3rd Quarter deficit and won 44-41 in overtime. Man, what a great game! Remember? No? Oh, right, it was on the NFL Network. Oops.

I'm not trying to get sappy in a usually jovial bowl preview, but if you can't get behind this Indiana team, you don't have a soul. For those of you who don't know, Terry Hoeppner was the coach of Indiana in 2005 and 2006. When he arrived, Indiana hadn't been to a bowl game in over a decade. When he scheduled the awards banquet for January, the players didn't understand why he strayed from the usual late November date. He informed them that he had plans of preparing for a postseason game during that time and wouldn't be able to host a banquet. Hoeppner was diagnosed with a brain tumor before the 2006 season and missed two weeks following surgery before returning to coach the team. He died of complications from brain cancer on June 19, 2007. Assistant coach Bill Lynch led the team to a 7-5 record this season, including a dramatic 27-24 defeat of rival Purdue in the final game with Hoeppner's wife watching on the sideline. The win fulfilled Hoeppner's dream of Indiana playing in a bowl game. They'll certainly have their work cut out for them against an explosive Oklahoma State team, but they'll certainly have my support.

Chick-fil-A Bowl - Clemson vs. Auburn, Dec. 31, 7:30 PM ESPN
If you don't have the NFL Network, this is your alternative once the Kentucky/FSU game is over. I predict a Tigers victory. I don't even have to give you a reason. The Tigers are winning. Coach Tommy dominates!!!

Outback Bowl - Wisconsin vs. Tennessee, Jan. 1, 11:00 AM ESPN
Just stay in bed. It's not that these teams are really bad, it's just Bret Bielema and Phillip Fulmer will give you a migraine with their general smugness. Migraines are not a good thing on the morning of New Year's Day. By the way, if Eric Ainge really thinks he's an NFL-caliber QB, he should probably avoid throwing the ball to the other team. Just sayin'....

AT&T Cotton Bowl - Missouri vs. Arkansas, Jan. 1, 11:30 AM FOX
OK, make sure you wake up for this one. Two Heisman candidates collide in what looks like a pretty high scoring affair. If you haven't seen Darren McFadden yet, you need to watch this game. Then you need to cry when you realize that the Patriots will draft him #2 in the 2008 NFL Draft. (Remember, the Pats lost their pick in spygate, not the one they own from the 49ers.) By the way, Felix Jones isn't bad either. Maybe the Pats can get him as well.

Gator Bowl - Texas Tech vs. Virginia, Jan. 1, 1:00 PM CBS
This will be an interesting matchup as a traditionally strong defensive team (Virginia) meets a strong offensive squad (Texas Tech). Virginia has played a lot of close games this year, and I imagine this will be close as well. The key will be Tech's big offensive line against the front seven of Virginia. That's about as deep as my analysis will go for any game this year, so don't get excited.

Capital One Bowl - Michigan vs. Florida, Jan. 1, 1:00 PM ABC
Tim Tebow, king of kings, gets a virtual home game to show off his Heisman trophy skills. Michigan has almost no chance in this game. Spread offenses have given them trouble all year and Florida's is one of the best in nation. Let the Tebow love affair continue. At least there's another game on at the same time. That won't be the case from here on out...

Tournament of Roses Rose Bowl presented by Citi and made possible by Viewers Like You - Illinois vs. USC, Jan. 1, 4:30 PM ABC
Oh Ron Zook, what have you done? You promised a turnaround in Champaign and now your team walks into Pasadena to face one of the best teams in the land in what amounts to a home game for USC. Man, if only you had any experience defeating power teams on the road...

Allstate Sugar Bowl - Hawai'i vs. Georgia, Jan. 1, 8:30 PM FOX
Once again, a non-BCS school has gone undefeated and earned a spot in a BCS bowl game. Not the championship game, of course, but why should a team be allowed to play for the national title just because they went undefeated? Of course, Hawai'i tried to schedule Michigan at the beginning of the year, but Michigan decided to host Division I-AA Appalachian State (how's that workin' for ya?). Michigan State was under contract to play Hawai'i, but backed out, most likely from fear of losing (maybe Mark Dantonio had a bad experience with a hula girl once). So, Hawai'i was forced to play the teams on their schedule, beat them all, and here they are, playing Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. Georgia is a solid team and was playing their best as the regular season ended, but they are the enemy of those who wish to see a radical change to the BCS system. A beatdown by Hawai'i forces the discussion once again.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl - Oklahoma vs. West Virginia, Jan. 2, 8:00 PM FOX
Another 5-hour bowl game comes to us on the 2nd day of the new year. This game matches up a good team (Oklahoma) and a not-good team (West Virginia). I'm sorry, you can't lose to Pitt when you know a win gets you into the National Championship game. Did you see Rich Rodriguez's postgame speech? Does that look like a guy who can win a big game? He was in total shock. (I'd post a link, but I can't find it anywhere. Please post in comment section below if you find it.) Bob Stoops should be able to win this game.

FedEx Orange Bowl - Virginia Tech vs. Kansas, Jan. 3, 8:00 PM FOX
Virginia Tech's defense is good enough to win this game if they avoid the Jayhawks sidelines. Otherwise, Mark Mangino might eat them. Similar to the Gator Bowl, it is an intriguing game based on the differences in team makeup. Kansas has a great offense, but almost no defense. That said, how many spread offenses has Virginia Tech faced? It could be an interesting game, but you'll probably be tired of bowl games at this point and begin anticipating the NFL playoffs.

International Bowl - Rutgers vs. Kansas State, Jan. 5, Noon, ESPN2
If your NFL team is looking for a RB, you could watch Ray Rice in this game. Otherwise, find something productive to do while waiting for the NFL playoffs to start. Do you think Rutgers and Kansas State are excited to play in this game? Something tells me, no, they are not.

GMAC Bowl - Bowling Green vs. Tulsa, Jan. 6, 8:00 PM, ESPN
I'm tired. Next.

Allstate BCS Championship Game - LSU vs. Ohio State, Jan.7, 8:00 PM FOX
Once again, Ohio State faces the SEC champion in the BCS Championship game. Last year, Ohio State was trounced by Florida, 41-14. It's one of the few games in which Jim Tressel was truly out-coached. I suspect this will be a tighter contest. LSU has had many close calls this year, with both of their losses coming in triple overtime games. Les Miles is a Michigan man and would love nothing more than to beat Ohio State, especially considering his alma mater cannot. He denies that he'll leave LSU to coach Michigan, but I won't believe it until Michigan brings in a different head coach. LSU doesn't spread it out as much as Florida and that should help Ohio State's defense match up with the Tigers. Beanie Wells was bothered by an ankle injury much of the season. It will be interesting to see what he can do if he's 100% healthy. A lot of NFL prospects will be on display in this game, so enjoy what should be a good contest.

I may post game recaps of particularly interesting games as they are warranted, so check back for that in the future. By the way, I don't define "interesting" as being a close game on the scoreboard. True, the score may play a role, but if those Bell Helicopter commercials show a Huey II landing in a combat zone, I may need to comment on that and provide the necessary video.

If you find yourself bored by the bowl season, begin gambling. Gambling will always make you interested in any game. Join an office pool or pick the games online. Before you gamble, remember that you should drink lots of alcohol and become incredibly depressed before placing your bets. That's sound advice, kids, straight from Scot Pollard.

Please leave any comments in the comment section below. And in the words of Jim Rome, don't suck.

Happy Bowling!!!

That is one brave orange...

2007-12-07T16:36:00.000-06:00

That is Kansas coach Mark Mangino with the Orange Bowl mascot, Obie. Actually, Obie is really in no danger since he is fruit. Now, if this was the Steak Bowl and the mascot was Steaky, it would be a different story.

http://deadspin.com/sports/mark-mangino/mark-mangino-makes-a-new-friend-331313.php

Blame Canada!

2007-12-05T08:47:00.000-06:00

"The man again blew the snow back. Both of them were blowing snow on each other. It was a real battle of the blowers."

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/282743

Essential Fashions for Fall

2007-11-26T18:55:00.000-06:00

This morning I was awake at 8:30am, in a spotless house, with a dog who didn't seem to want a walk, and waiting on everyone else to get back to me with school stuff. I went shopping. I wish I hadn't. Every few years you get one of those seasons in women's fashion... looks like Winter 07 is going to be one to forget. Here are a few of the "essential" items...

1. Pleated, tapered pants
Whoa. Weren't these specific pants the single reason for shows like What Not To Wear? Doesn't Oprah still televise hour-long interventions for convincing people not to wear pleats and tapers? It was always my belief that sometime in 1994, an international womens delegation made a unanimous agreement among nations of the world to outlaw pleated, tapered pants. Oh, and marketing departments? Calling them "skinny fit" isn't fooling anyone. Really, there has never been a more terrible idea in the history of clothing...

2. Colored jeans
Oh, except maybe colored jeans. At Old Navy, I had my choice of hot pink, teal, purple, black and glittery gray. Thats funny, because I have a very clear memory of a Christmas in the late 80s when my cousin Amber opened up a pair of purple jeans, and returned them within hours. If it was generally agreed then that purple jeans were awful, why bring them back? And can you guess what "fit" they were in? (Hint: it was not boot cut or flare.)

3. Baby-doll tops
These flare-bottomed, Jackie-O-inspired frocks are showing up mainly in sweater form and help complete that ice cream cone silhouette you were going for with the tapered pants. They come with giant buttons, but sadly the skycap hats are missing. The cut is especially good for making you look shorter and pregnant-er than you really are.

4. T-Shirt dresses
If you don't know what to wear to that upcoming Christmas social, don't worry... the oversized t-shirt you wore to the beach this summer will do. No- don't put a belt around your waist! Then people will know its a dress! And that you have a figure! Fortunately the cuts on these dresses are so short that if you bend over even slightly, you can show off your cute bikini bottoms.

5. Fuzzy boots
Ugg exploded on the fashion scene in 2004 with shoes that looked like those sheepskin slippers, dyed to hideous pastels, and extended to boot form. The most popular way to wear them then was paired with a pleated mini-skirt, for added absurdity. But over the years Uggs grew in popularity and imitators, so they expanded by asking themselves "how can we make these shoes even uglier, and more ridiculous?" So this year, you can treat yourself to a pair of sheepskin slippers with platform heels and pom-poms... dyed to hideous pastels and extended to boot form. Pleated mini-skirts are out, so now if you are cool you tuck your skinny-fit jeans into the tops of our platform Uggs. Ugh.
But the amusement derived from Uggs is two-fold, which is why I saved them for the finale. Just wait until that first snowfall, when 19-yr old fashionistas are thrilled to unwrap their brand new Uggs to complete that wintry look. Then just wait until they step outside... Uggs, much like a pair of sheepskin slippers, dyed to hideous pastels, and extended to boot form, have absolutely zero insulation or waterproofing. Maybe they are named Uggs for the glogging, water-logged sound they make when they get absolutely drenched with snow. Don't forget the salt ring that can easily be wiped off of regular shoes!

Footnote: Skinny fit or no, Old Navy & Gap, you aren't winning any friends in the under 5'2" crowd by sizing your jeans "Short" or "Ankle" ... as though to say "the bottom of your pants are where normal people's ankles begin!" We prefer to be called "Petite."

Happy Shopping!

No Words are Needed

2007-11-17T23:39:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving... Always the Bridesmaid

2007-11-14T15:02:00.000-06:00

In recent years, many people have stepped up to defend the Thanksgiving holiday, stating the commercials and music for the Christmas season begin too early and cloud this November gathering. I thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the various aspects of these holidays and determine if the defense of Thanksgiving - and subsequent postponement of Christmas anticipation - is justified.

Sports

Let's start with an easy one.

Thanksgiving - A football doubleheader (now a tripleheader for the 10 people who receive the NFL Network) is the tradition since 1966. Unfortunately, part of this tradition includes watching the Detroit Lions (they've played a Turkey Day game every year since 1934 with the exception of 1939-1944 for WWII), which, up until this year, had been a tough tradition to watch for quite some time.

Christmas - No real tradition here. The NFL also tried to tap into the Christmas holiday by showing the Divisional Round playoff games in 1971. Unfortunately, the Chiefs and Dolphins played the longest game in NFL history (82 minutes, 40 seconds on the game clock), which interfered with Christmas dinners around the U.S. The NFL didn't have another game on Christmas for 17 years.

The NBA has gradually developed a tradition of NBA games on Christmas Day with a classic Kobe/Shaq meeting a couple years ago in the aftermath of their "breakup." Still, the NBA can't really compare to the NFL in terms of popularity.

Winner - Thanksgiving by a comfortable margin.

Weather

Let's just get this out of the way...

Thanksgiving - Decorations often mirror generic fall colors - red, orange, and yellow. Unfortunately, most of these colors are gone by Thanksgiving as the leaves have fallen and been swept away. Also, the ability to share decorations with Halloween doesn't help Thanksgiving's case. It's a little too early for snow and a little too late for beautiful Fall colors.

Christmas - Of course, snow is the major player here. In fact, there is some evidence that people residing in warmer climates feel something is missing during their Christmas. This is bolstered by the abundance of snow-themed Christmas songs. In addition, there are many European cultures that have traditions of a snow-like character in their Christmas tales and celebrations ("Snowmaidens" and "Snowflake Girl" are examples). Recent climate change has reduced the frequency of white Christmas' around the world, but snow is rooted deeply in the tradition of Christmas.

Winner - Christmas by a comfortable margin

Food

Thanksgiving - Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. It's pretty hard to top that and you know it's coming every year. Same with Turducken.

Christmas - Cookies, Eggnog, Candy Canes, Ham are general themes for Christmas time food and beverage. It can certainly vary from family to family and culture to culture. Since Christmas is more of a worldwide holiday than Thanksgiving, many traditions are rooted in cultural traditions from times before the family emigrated to America.

Winner - Thanksgiving because you know what's coming and pumpkin pie is outstanding. If there were a separate beverage category, Christmas would certainly win with Eggnog and the recent influx of Christmas-themed beers.

Spiritual/Religious Tie-ins

(What's up with the palm tree? Where's the pine tree covered in snow?)

Thanksgiving - Traditionally, thanks is given to God for health and a successful harvest. Since the action of harvesting a crop is lost on many today, it's usually just a day to give thanks to God for all the blessings in one's life. According to a couple web sites I've visited, we should give thanks everyday because it is one more day that Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer have allowed us to live. I'm not sure how to take this news.

Christmas - A celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Do I really need to expand upon this? Even if you don't believe Jesus to be the Son of God, you still must grant that He is the most influential person in the history of mankind.

Winner - Christmas in a heavenly landslide

Anticipation/Build-up

Thanksgiving - Really, there's not much to anticipate and, thus, there's not much of a build-up. Of course, if you're stuck - err, I mean, have the honor of - hosting a party, there's a need to anticipate the holiday on a personal level. However, in the big picture, there's not much to signal the holiday of Thanksgiving until the turkey is being prepared (I know, I know, this is not an easy or quick process). The only true anticipation I can think of is that of a student. You know you're about to get a four-day weekend, if not an entire week, off of school. This is exciting.

Christmas - Well, there are at least four weeks of anticipation after Thanksgiving. There are decorations to hang, parties to attend, shopping to do, four weeks of advent, presents to wrap, trees to stand, and tidings to exchange. It really can't get done in one week, let alone one day. Thus, there is a definite build-up and anticipation for Christmas.

Winner - Christmas again.

Commercialism

Up until now, you may have been able to agree with the aforementioned categorical breakdowns. Still, all the while, lingering in the back of your mind, was the notion that Christmas is great and all, but there's no need for advertisements and music to come along before Thanksgiving. Allow Thanksgiving to pass before turning to Christmas.

Well, I'm here to tell you that Thanksgiving is just as much to blame for this situation as Christmas.

In 1863, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of Thanksgiving would be celebrated on the last Thursday in November...

"I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union."

This set in motion a series of events that would threaten to tear apart the fabric of American society. OK, that may be a bit extreme, but it did set a precedent that would allow our present situation to unfold.

Another step in the wrong direction came in 1939 when President Franklin D. Roosevelt declared Thanksgiving would occur on the second-to-last Thursday in November. Roosevelt believed an earlier Thanksgiving would allow for more sales of Christmas merchandise (at the time, it was considered inappropriate to advertise Christmas products before Thanksgiving... hmm...) and help improve a struggling economy during the Great Depression. Of course, Thanksgiving was not yet a federal holiday, and only 23 states went along with the declaration (oddly, some states - including Texas - could not decide which route to go and simply took both weeks as government holidays). FDR tried this again in 1940 (by then it was affectionately known as "Franksgiving") before signing a 1941 bill that acknowledged Thanksgiving as the fourth Thursday in November, which is often the last Thursday in November. This year, Thanksgiving will occur at the earliest possible date - November 22.

FDR recognized the boost the economy received from the Christmas season and, thus, tried to expand the Christmas season to bring the country out of a depression. A move one can understand, given the circumstances and the fact that most retail outlets turn their largest profit during the Christmas season. This brings us to Black Friday.

The day after Thanksgiving is one of the biggest shopping days of the year in terms of volume of customers as well as sales (although, sales are often bigger on days just before Christmas). The traffic as well as the profit lend itself to the term Black Friday. For this reason, many businesses advertise their Christmas products well in advance of Thanksgiving in the hopes of attracting customers to their doors at 4:30 AM the day after Turkey Day. And you know what? It works.

It works because people were doing this before the huge Target and Best Buy sales. People have been shopping the day after Thanksgiving for decades. The retail world followed suit and devised different ways to attract customers to their stores. They do their best to keep their sales secret so the competition cannot gain any advantage, but they still need to market their products in advance of Thanksgiving if they wish to attract customers the day after. Retail didn't create this situation, they simply took advantage. And why not? It's rather profitable.

Just remember, there wouldn't be a Black Friday if Thanksgiving wasn't on a Thursday. (Looking at you, President Lincoln.)

With regard to radio stations switching to an all Christmas lineup before Thanksgiving, ask yourself the following: what does this radio station play the rest of the year and how often do I tune into it during that time? If you're like me, you'll find that you almost never listen to that station the rest of the year. If you do, you're probably in the minority. It's often a Christian music or disco station that switches formats so early. They aren't a popular radio station to begin with and they're trying to make some money.

How does a radio station make money? It sells advertising space on its airwaves. Who purchases this space? Exactly. Smaller radio stations will likely see a boost in listeners by switching to a seasonal format. This will, in turn, help sell advertising space. And the world keeps spinning...

In Summary...
The present situation was born out of human behavior not the retail or radio industry's insistence on ruining Thanksgiving. With Thanksgiving falling on a Thursday a month before Christmas, people naturally begin using the Friday after Thanksgiving as a day to begin preparing for Christmas (whether it's buying gifts or decorating). The retail industry saw an opportunity and jumped on it. They are, in fact, in the business of making money. Radio followed suit. (Although, I have another theory about the early all-Christmas radio format, which I'll address later.)

So what can be done to save Thanksgiving? At present, not much. It would be interesting to see what would happen if Thanksgiving was a set date, like Christmas, that changed the day of the week it fell on each year. What if Thanksgiving was on a Monday? What if it was celebrated in October like it is in Canada?

There's not much we can do to stop the music or commercials. If it bothers you, try to do your best to ignore it until after Thanksgiving. Or try to embrace the whole holiday season as it progresses from Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year's Day. And, of course, remember that there is a festivus for the rest of us, complete with the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength.

Denver 07

2007-11-10T22:20:00.001-06:00

Here are some photos from my recent "business" trip to Denver. For some reason, the earliest flights out start at 2 in the afternoon, so Maribel and I decided to take the free capitol tour. At the top of the dome, you are exactly one mile above sea level. We spent the rest of the morning wandering around downtown Denver, saying things like "ooooooh, I wish we had THAT in Lubbock!"

Denver Photos on Shutterfly

Bad Dog.

2007-10-21T17:35:00.000-05:00

Gamret Vacation

2007-09-27T21:35:00.001-05:00

Ma & Pa Gamret came for a visit last weekend... mainly, we suspect, to see their new grandson. Between two sets of parents and four days, Budd accumulated a new bed, a squeaky bone, a set of towels, a bag of autumn-themed homemade treats, 3 new chewing bones, and a stuffed alien.

Photos from the weekend: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AatXLVo4ctmLsg&emid=sharshar&linkid=link2

Check out the stellar photos from our day trip to Roswell, NM. Streetlamps with eyes are a nice touch, but why didn't I bump into Agent Mulder in the UFO Research Library?

A Happy Hound, A Creepy Husband

2007-09-16T21:54:00.000-05:00

The shelter where we got Budd had its annual walk for charity this weekend, so we took the little guy. He had a blast- sporting a red bandana, reuniting with his former caretaker, pooping under a tree, and depositing strands of drool on the shorts of several admirers. Here we are on our way back to the car. Don't be fooled, we are still in Lubbock despite the lush greenery.

In other news, DirecTV is about to release its new satellite, which will bring 150 more HD channels to our HD TV. Steve has been manically tracking online forums where DirecTV insiders, presumably typing from shadowy corners, clad in trench coats, post cryptic messages to let people know when the new channels might launch ("I don't hear Annie singing"...as in "not tomorrow"...I'm not making this up). Readers of the forum then take turns accessing their Transponder Strength Matrix from the DTV menu and posting it online, so others can compare how well their dish is picking up test signals, and how close the other guy is to finally having Emeril in HD. Steve has been monitoring our signals closely. To the point of not letting me touch the remotes or get close to the screen. To the point of watching azimuth angles and other numbers flicker like they are an actual show on an actual channel. I'm a little worried about waking up in the middle of the night to an empty bed because Steve is standing on the roof, peering at the sky and wearing a tin foil hat, vowing to obey all that the DirecTV Overlords command when they arrive on Earth.

I really hope its just Emeril HD on the way.

EVERYTHING MUST GO!!! And it did.

2007-09-08T21:14:00.000-05:00

I've never had a blog before. I'll experiment by writing about our garage sale.

Let me start by paying tribute to Becca, who offered her garage, and a large amount of baby clothes among other items to be sold. Together we mounted a massive ad campaign, including newspaper ads and 2ft x 3ft signs posted at busy intersections. Not only were they billboard-like and intimidating compared with other measly 8 1/2 x 11 postings, but I made sure to include obnoxious phrases like "EVERYTHING MUST GO!" "GREAT DEALS!" "SATURDAY ONLY!"

Evidently they worked. The ads announced 8am-3pm and at 1:57 I left for Goodwill after we declared the remains not worth sitting in the driveway for.

Highlights:
*After buying an area rug and telling us how awful and dirty her son's new apartment is, a mother yells down the driveway to him: "Honey, do you want a candle in case a girl comes over?"
*Mr. Penguin, a small stuffed animal from Becca's pile, has the worst day of his life as he sits in the sun for 6 hours and then has both of his eyes removed by a basset hound.

Lowlights:
*The known neighborhood scam artist provides a lengthy narrative about her husband's pay schedule, and offers to pay us Thursday for items purchased today. Hmmm. No thanks. She returns two hours later and offers to haul away our leftovers, no charge to us! Hmmm. No thanks.
*I am sunburned.

September begins... Michigan ends

2007-09-01T23:10:00.000-05:00

Hmmm.... your foot is extended one way and the ball appears to be going the other way. Man, this can't be good. Or can it?

Well, if you're an Ohio State fan (me) or just hate Michigan (me and Andrea), this can be very good.

First of all, we need thank DirecTV for agreeing to carry The Big Ten Network from its' inception on Thursday. Also, thanks to DirecTV for producing overflow channels when BTN shows multiple games at the same time. This allowed me to enjoy Ohio State's easy win while almost simultaneously laughing at Michigan and rooting on Appalachian State.

Appalachian State basically dominated the 1st half. Michigan's defense could not stop the Mountaineers spread offense. The 2nd half, as one might expect, was a different story. Michigan woke up and started playing football like they were a division I-A team and their opponent was a division I-AA team. Although, App St. could have put this game away if it were not for a dropped TD pass and a field goal that hit the upright. Such is life for the underdog, you hang on as long as you can and hope the clock runs out before the big boys realize what happened.

Alas, the clock did not move fast enough and the big boys came back to take the lead on a long TD run from Heisman candidate Mike Hart. With 5:00 left, App St still had a chance being down only 1 point. However, a Michigan INT all but sealed the deal. Using timeouts, App St was able to get the ball back with a little over 90 seconds remaining after partially blocking a Michigan field goal attempt.

A combination of nice passes, poor tackling and spotty coverage allowed App St. to drive to Michigan's 6 with 30 seconds left. With no timeouts remaining, App St kicked the field goal to take the lead, 34-32. Everyone rooting for the underdog had one thought - they left too much time on the clock (26 sec). Sure enough, Michigan was able to get the ball down to the App St 19 with 6 seconds remaining after App St, for some inexplicable reason, left Mario Manningham in single coverage. A simple 36-yard field goal was all that stood between a major upset and an undeserved win.

Enter #2, Shawn Crable. Playing as the far-left blocker on the field goal team's O-line, Crable managed to miss not one, but two App St defenders attempting to block the kick. Even worse, the one defender he actually got a hand on was the outside rusher. He let the inside rusher run free. This is simple geometry - the distance from the inside rusher to the holder is shorter than that for the outside rusher. Block the inside rusher. If it makes you feel any better, Shawn, your inability to block those men made my day.

This loss is inexcusable. Big schools, like Michigan, pay these small schools a fair sum of money to travel, play them, and lose. They just spent $400,000 and allowed this team to beat them... err... embarrass them. Their national title hopes are gone and, for that reason, I hope they do not win the Big Ten. Ideally, another Big Ten team (Penn State, Ohio State, Wisconsin) will run the table and have a shot to play for the national title or, even better, Michigan will lose another 3-4 games and allow more worthy teams to play for the Big Ten championship and a Rose Bowl appearance.

There are few unfortunate things about the outcome of this game. For one, it's a black eye for the Big Ten. After Ohio State got blown out in the BCS title game and Michigan got trounced in the Rose Bowl, the Big Ten could not claim any sort of conference pride. Now, with Michigan losing to App St and Minnesota losing to Bowling Green, it just brings the whole conference down even more. Penn State may beat Michigan in a few weeks, but what will that say? I mean, Michigan lost to Appalachian State.

The other unfortunate aspect to this game is what it means for App St. They will not get an invitation - and $400,000 check - to play a big school anytime soon. Similar to Boise State, no one will want to play App State for fear of losing. They would rather play "cupcakes" and assure themselves of a win. And, while App St should no longer be considered a cupcake, they won't get the opportunity to show otherwise for a while.

The final unfortunate aspect? Some kid named Clay threw a no-hitter for the Red Sox about 6 hours after App State pulled off the upset. Thus, ESPN showed the highlight of their beloved Red Sox before discussing the App State victory. Now, a no-hitter is quite an accomplishment, but there's nearly one every year. It's not every year, decade, century that a Division I-AA team defeats at top 5 team at their place. And while a lot of people will place blame on Michigan, you have to give a lot of credit to App State for hanging in there and fighting back at the end. Go Mountaineers!!!

80s Prom Party

2007-09-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, a friend of mine from work hosted an 80s Prom Party. Despite us being in the midst of moving, we were able to put together some costumes at the last minute and show up in style (I use that term loosely, of course.) It was a good time had by all, complete streamers, "studio" prom photos, and the music that defined a generation. By "music that defined a generation," I mean "music that is so bad, everyone loves it."

The best part of the evening occurred before we ever got to the party. I had to stand inside a restaurant for about 10 minutes, waiting on an order. Needless to say, I got some looks. Andrea did as well, as she was stuck in the car outside for the same amount of time in a rather "poofy" dress.

You can find all the pictures from the party here:

http://diligentnotetakers.org/prom.html

Enjoy!

Steve

Greatest. Wife. Ever.

2007-08-23T20:56:00.000-05:00

It's not often you come home from a long day of work and find a brand new PlayStation 3, with a copy of Madden 08, sitting on the coffee table with a bow on top. This happened today. Apparently, Andrea decided to buy me an early Christmas gift while she was out today. I have to say, I haven't been this surprised about a gift since my father granted me ownership of the Suburban after I graduated from Valparaiso. I was convinced he used the back of the Suburban to place a congratulatory sign and 6-pack of Dortmunder. Obviously, I was wrong.

While I had yearned for a PS3 since purchasing an HDTV, I figured we would wait some time before actually getting one. It seems Andrea had other plans. Obviously, I'm biased, but I can't believe there are many women that would do such a thing in this world. Maybe I'm just cynical. Gentleman, there is hope. Ladies, take note.

Until next time.

Steve

Edit: I need to correct a statement above. Andrea didn't buy the PS3 as an early Christmas gift. It's actually a gift for a promotion a recently got at work. We had multiple discussions about getting one for some time, but although she said it was OK, I never quite believed her. So, she proved her point and congratulated me on the promotion. I didn't put this in the original post because my promotion had not been officially announced.

Budd... the scurge of NW Lubbock

2007-08-23T20:49:00.001-05:00

If you weren't on the mailing from Andrea, a photo slideshow of the newest member of our family is available at the following site:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AatXLVo4ctmLmI

Also, I placed a bunch of photos in a gallery on Facebook. Enjoy!

Steve

Welcome!

2007-08-23T20:23:00.001-05:00

We begin this blog in an effort to keep our family and friends in touch with what's going on. It's hard to send a mass email and it always seems like a few people are left out. This explains why blogs and social networks, like Facebook, have been so successful. We can provide little updates when we get the time and anyone can come visit the site when they have the time. We hope you enjoy this little blog and visit often.

Steve and Andrea